


Blue Afterglow

by ebk2563



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:13:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3087569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebk2563/pseuds/ebk2563
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Felina.<br/>WARNING....some people will not be able to handle Walt & Jesse being nice and even loving towards each other Post-Felina. Some people will not understand the perspective I have taken on this relationship, but I feel the need to warn people since the vicious relationship is all some people can see and the only one they want to see. I saw something completely different in the show....and it is not a popular view apparently. This fic was written for me only as my way of dealing with the lack of emotional gestures between Walt and Jesse on the show.  I feel the need to explain all of Walt's actions to Jesse so that he understands...and in this fic, Jesse is more understanding and much less defensive then in Canon.</p><p>Again, this was written only for me as an emotional outlet and I decided to share it with the community because I believed that it was a supportive community.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blue Afterglow

Chapter 1

Walter White lay on the cement floor of Jack Welker’s White Supremacist meth lab while the police surrounded the compound as well as his body. Walt was welcoming death now. There was no more running, no more meth, no more money and no more Jesse. Walter had lost everything, but he didn’t want to go down without taking out the men who were responsible for stealing his life’s work. 

Walter had succeeded in taking Jack and his men down. He was even able to right a tragic wrong he committed when he sent Jesse to a life of enslavement and torture with Jack’s gang. Walt saved Jesse’s life by taking a bullet…it was certainly the least he could do for him.

As Walter lay on the cement floor taking his last breaths, random thoughts flooded his mind. Thoughts of Walter jr, thoughts of Skyler, thoughts of his early life with his mother, future thoughts of Holly and her wedding day, but mostly he thought of Jesse and how he wished that he had had the courage to at least let him know how much he meant to him.

Jesse had been Walt’s everything. Jesse was the driving force behind Heisenberg because without Jesse, Walt would never have had the confidence to go through with half of the shit he did –right or wrong. It was the way Jesse saw him that made Walt feel so powerful. 

In Walt’s eyes, Jesse saw him exactly as he wanted to be seen. Jesse saw Walt as a family man who was a “respectable” member of society for most of his life, who was only cooking meth for his family’s financial security…since his death hung close by due to a terminal cancer diagnosis. But, Jesse saw more then just that. Jesse saw a badass in Mr. White, someone who could make magic happen, who could get things done and who could command attention with just the tilting of his head and the lowering of his voice. These were admirable qualities to Jesse, since he always seemed to lack motivation of any kind of follow through and struggled with having enough self-esteem to get a respectable job. To Jesse, even though he would have never have admitted it, in some ways, he felt safe with his old chemistry teacher having his back -at least at first.

But Jesse was gone now, having driven off into the dark abyss of the night. Away from Walt, away from the meth lab and away from the cops who were closing in on Walt. Walt wondered what Jesse would do now. Where would he go? Who would he become? Would he ever find peace and would he ever forgive Walt for all that he had done? Even though Walt was ready to die, a piece of him wanted to remain with Jesse. And although Walt knew that Jesse would certainly never forget him…he wished it was because that he loved him instead of hated him.

Walt had been the one to cause so much pain in Jesse’s life…his pain was almost unimaginable. Jesse, who even though had been a criminal himself in the first place, never had any intention to hurt anyone. Walt hated himself, as he lay there thinking about how young and naïve Jesse had been when they first partnered up and how broken, battered and angry he had become in the end.

“Still pure though…as angry as he was…he still could not kill me in the very end.” Walt thought to himself and smiled just a little.

Walt was drifting in and out of consciousness now and he could feel himself getting colder. He heard footsteps and sirens all around him, but he didn’t care. He just lay there with his eyes open staring up at the ceiling even though all he saw in his mind were Jesse’s blue eyes smiling at him.

Walt decided to tell Jesse right there as he lay on the floor imagining his blue eyes, “Jesse…I can’t take back what I’ve done to you. I can’t repair the damage that I’ve caused, but I just need you to know how much I care about you and have always cared about you. I am so sorry my Jesse. You are more precious to me then my own family and I love you always.”

Walt felt a hand on his wrist. Someone was feeling for a pulse. He heard a man call for an EMT and then everything was dark…

 

 

Days passed, maybe weeks and then light, so much light it was blinding. Walter slowly opened his eyes and to his own horror, realized he was not dead. 

“How could this happen? How the hell am I still alive? Maybe I’ve woken up and am in some sort of Hell now? This can’t be right…this absolutely can’t be true!” Walter thought to himself in a bit of a panic.

Walt looked over to the closed door of his room and saw some type of guard through a small window. “Is that a cop? Is that just hospital security?” Walter wasn’t sure. He was still a bit fuzzy and couldn’t really make out much of anything without his glasses.

His glasses…”where are my glasses?”

Walt glanced around and lifted his body slightly, but he was abruptly shoved back down by a searing sensation of pain running through his abdomen and into his back. “Shit…God Damn it,” Walt groaned out loud.

Walt lay there in the hospital bed contemplating his options, in which he really only had two. “Option one,” Walt thought to himself, “escape.” “Option two, face life in prison.” 

Escape seemed like the obvious choice and the one that seemed more natural to Walt, but the echo of something Jesse once said after he’d learned about self-acceptance was swirling around in his brain. “You either run from things or you face them Mr. White.” Walt wasn’t scared of Prison and New Mexico had abolished the death penalty, not that that bothered him either, but still, Walt did love his freedom. 

Walt started to think about what Jesse would want him to do. There wasn’t much to think about. He knew that Jesse would tell him to stay and face the music. So, he stayed. As if it was an apology to Jesse himself that he do so. Walt made the decision not to run.

“I will just run out the clock anyway,” Walt thought. “If the bullet didn’t get me, the cancer surly will.”

In the days that followed, Walt did start to feel better. The bullet wound was healing and it seemed that his cancer was even under control, which was odd considering that he refused any pills or any further treatment from the hospital staff.

The agents were annoying though. Although Walt had decided to stay and face the reality of the destruction that he caused, he was not willing to cooperate with the DEA or any official for that matter. He still had his pride after all, and he wouldn’t talk to any of them about anything. His answer was always the same for any of the questions they asked, “Fuck you!” 

The biggest problem that he faced was not having Saul by his side. Saul was gone now as well, off to “manage a Cinnabon in Nebraska,” Walt scoffed to himself.

 

 

Jesse was free. He was finally free from Jack’s gang and Todd, free from Mr. White, free from cooking meth. He could hardly believe it. After all this time and after so much death, he was finally free.

As Jesse smashed through the fence of the compound and drove off into the darkness screaming in elated joy with tears streaming down his face, he was overcome with only one thought running through his mind, “I have to get to Brock.”

Jesse drove through the night and made his way back to ABQ without stopping once. He was so excited that it didn’t even occur to him that Brock might be a little harder to find since he probably didn’t live in the house anymore that Andrea was able to rent with Jesse’s money. 

Jesse drove straight to the house, but quickly realized that Brock was no longer there after he saw a completely different family living there now. 

Feeling a little deflated, it hit Jesse just how tired he was. He needed to sleep and he needed something to eat, but he had absolutely no money.

The last place he had seen his money was at the Schrader’s when he had to stay there to try and help Hank gather evidence against Mr. White. Honestly, Jesse felt sick even thinking about that now.

Jesse had a lot of time to think while he was working as a slave at the compound for Jack and his crew, and he came to realize that Hank may have been right about Walt caring for him. At least he cared for him up until the point where he saw Jesse and Hank together that day in the desert and Hank was killed. After Mr. White saw his Jesse with Hank, it was all over. 

Even though Mr. White was getting the handcuffs slapped on him by Hank and his rights being read, Jesse could feel the terror of Mr. White’s eyes burning into him as he simply said “coward,” in his coldest, most terrifying Heisenberg voice. Jesse had realized then that Mr. White had cared for him up until that very point, but no more. Jesse decided to spit on him since Mr. White had been in handcuffs and knew that he couldn’t do shit about it with Hank there.

It was true though, in some ways, Jesse had been a bit of a coward. He was scared of Mr. White. He was always looking over his shoulder after he told Mr. White that he was “out.” For whatever the reason, he knew Mr. White didn’t want him to be out, but Jesse just couldn’t stand anyone getting hurt anymore and Drew Sharp had put him over the edge.

Jesse was tired of living in fear of Mr. White and when it finally hit him that it was Mr. White who had poisoned Brock…there was no stopping Jesse to take Mr. White out. Unfortunately, it had been Hank who had found Jesse trying to burn down Mr. White’s house and Jesse had no choice but to go with him.

Jesse wasn’t exactly thrilled about having to work with Hank, but it was better then letting Mr. White keep getting away with everything. So, Jesse cooperated as much as he could -with the exception of the wire incident- in the hopes that Mr. White would be put away, never to hurt anyone again.

But, just like Jesse had stated himself to Hank “Whatever you think is supposed to happen, I’m telling you, the exact reverse opposite of that is gonna happen, okay?” And it certainly did -Jesse couldn’t have been more right.

Hank was dead now and had been for quite some time, but Jesse needed his money and he wondered if it would still be at the Schrader’s home. Jesse thought for a minute, “Maybe I could just call Mrs. Schrader and ask her if my black duffle bag is still there.” But he really didn’t think that would be a good idea.

Jesse had an idea of where Jack and his men had stashed all of Mr. White’s cash, but he wasn’t sure if it would still be there in a few days since everything would probably be seized from the property by the cops. The only thing Jesse could do was to wait a few days and then return to the compound to try and find the cash.

Jesse drove the car back to his house, even though he was a little uncertain about what he might find there after five or six months of being enslaved in a meth lab run by Nazi wanna-be’s.

Slowly, Jesse pulled into the driveway and found the house dark, the lawn overgrown and the gate open. He parked the car and slowly got out. He wondered if his parents had tried to take ownership of the house again since they probably thought that he was dead. Jesse put his key in the lock and it still worked. He slowly turned the knob and peeked in before actually swinging the door open fully. 

Jesse saw everything just the way he had left it. His couch still in the same spot, the flatscreen, the stereo and all of his bongs, bowls and papers spread out on the glass coffee table. It didn’t seem like anything had been touched. Jesse breathed a sigh of relief and walked inside.

Jesse went straight to the bedroom, flopped on his bed that he had thought about so many nights while enslaved, and sobbed uncontrollably. Some of it happy to be free, but mostly he was just sad to have absolutely no one now. He thought about so many things. But mostly he thought about how Mr. White had actually just saved his life. Mr. White had taken a bullet for him, had protected him one last time. Jesse cried for Mr. White more than anything. He knew when he left Mr. White there with that bullet wound that he would die, but he didn’t exactly care at that moment. Jesse cursed himself for not having just taken the man with him, but he knew by the look on Mr. White’s face that he was prepared to die right there and take the responsibility for everything. The cops and DEA would think that Heisenberg had been at the compound all along still cooking blue meth and Jesse would be effectively cleared of all charges since it would seem that he had never had been there at all. Jesse wished that he could at least tell Mr. White thank you for saving his life and let him know just how much that he had looked up to him and even cared about him.

Jesse decided to tell him right there as he sobbed in to his pillow, “Mr. White I am so sorry for being a fucking idiot and not realizing sooner that you did care about me. I am so sorry for being a fucking pussy and a rat and ending up getting your brother-in-law killed. I am so sorry that I put you in positions where you either had to kill people to keep us safe or we get killed. I just need you to know that I looked up to you and I loved you so fucking much.” Jesse cried himself to sleep and he slept for two full days.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

Back at the hospital, Walt knew he was doing better even though the only thing that he actually wanted to be was dead and gone. For some reason, Walt’s body just kept hanging on, despite cancer, despite the bullet hole and despite all of the previous brushes with death. Living was the last thing Walt wanted to do, especially if he had to do it behind bars and away from anyone he cared about. But that time was coming now, soon he would be well enough to sit in a jail cell and only continue to hope that his disease would overtake him.

Walt watched the television in his hospital room quite a bit. The biggest enjoyment of his day was watching the news and hearing about himself and his meth empire even though it had come crashing down now. The legacy was there and Walt had turned into quite the legend while he was away in New Hampshire. He laughed at some of the urban legends that he heard on the news…most of it not even close to being true. The media seemed to put the story together the way they wanted to and it amused Walt. He chuckled to himself and wondered if Jesse had seen the news lately about the whole thing.

The details of the whole story were missing. The DEA only knew that Walt was the master chef of the blue meth and that he was Heisenberg. Marie Schrader filled them in on everything she knew as well as Skyler, but they really didn’t know that much. After Jack and his crew watched the recording that Hank, Agent Gomez and Jesse made together, they completely destroyed it. So as long as the DEA never picked up Jesse Pinkman for questioning, the true story was safe. 

But when the DEA did go knocking on Jesse’s parent’s door quite a while back when Hank and Agent Gomez first went missing, his parents said they hadn’t seen him or heard from him in quite a while. His parents stated that they weren’t in close contact with their son and that the relationship was strained. The DEA questioned his parents as to why they didn’t even bother to file a missing persons report on the matter. Mr. and Mrs. Pinkman did not have a good answer for that question and quickly turned them out.

The DEA had also gone knocking on Jesse’s door and kept his house under surveillance for the next four months, but when absolutely no activity was occurring during that time, they ended surveillance of the house. Since Jesse had been with Hank and Agent Gomez when they went missing as well, according to Marie Schrader’s statement, the DEA assumed that Jesse must still be with them…dead or alive.

Walt thought about what Jesse knew and realized that he was still in danger of being picked up by the DEA if he did show his face. Walt had given Skyler the lotto ticket of the exact coordinates of Hank and Agent Gomez’s bodies, but if Jesse wasn’t one of the bodies since he went missing at the same time, it was very likely that Jesse would be picked up and questioned thoroughly as to what actually happened.

Of course Jesse could tell the DEA everything that he knew once again, but still would the DEA prosecute him as some sort of accessory to all of the crimes. “After all,” Walt thought to himself, “Jesse probably thinks I’m dead now. I know he saw the bullet wound in my side. I saw his eyes light up the minute he spotted it.” At the time, Walt wasn’t sure if it was relief on Jesse’s face or a pang of sympathy that caused his eyes to light up. It didn’t matter though, he had saved Jesse’s life and that was all that mattered in the end.

Walt thought to himself, “I hope Jesse has enough god damn sense left to get the hell out of town.” 

 

 

Jesse woke up on a Thursday morning after two full days of sleeping to the sound of a large garbage truck making its way down Margo Street. Somehow it was a nice and comforting sound to Jesse and he welcomed the light coming into his room and all of the sounds that he heard coming from the outside.

Jesse got up and walked over to his window just staring out at everything. He opened the window and sat on the edge of the bed for a minute just enjoying the light breeze and the sounds of children playing in the distance. He enjoyed watching the trees sway in the breeze and just how green all of the other lawns were, except his of course. His lawn was brown and overgrown. He never realized just how much he missed those sorts of sounds and scenes, but he was thirsty and needed some water -quick.

Jesse got up and made his way to the bathroom to splash water on his face and drink a little as he did. As he came up from leaning over the sink, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and almost jumped at his own reflection. He looked so haggard, almost like an old man with scars and long hair and a long beard. He could hardly believe his eyes. Jesse made some kind of an “elch” sound and wandered over to the toilet.

After getting a shower, shave and a fresh new buzz cut he gave himself, he sat down on the bed again contemplating about his money situation. The last thing in the world that he wanted to do was to go back to that compound ever…even for the money, but he knew he needed it. He knew he was going to need the money for himself, for Brock if he could find him and to get out of town.

Jesse got up from the bed and sighed. He went downstairs to the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat. 

“Score…Ramen!” Jesse shouted out loud and was almost startled at the sound of his own voice being enthusiastic again about anything. 

Jesse made two packages of Ramen and decided to sit in front of the TV while he ate. 

“Fuck,” shouted Jesse as he went to turn on the TV and realized he hadn’t paid the cable bill in about five months. 

He thought it was strange that the power was still on, but he was glad it was. Still, Jesse sat on the couch and popped in a Blue ray. He sat there and watched an episode of Supernatural while he inhaled his Ramen. Although, the show was sort of making him uncomfortable…a little scared even and he loved that show to. “What the hell is wrong with me, yo?”

 

 

Walt knew it was just a matter of time before the DEA caught up with Jesse again and Walt did not want his sacrifice to be in vain. He could not stand the thought of Jesse being in prison now after everything that he had already been through. He started contemplating escape now just to get to Jesse. He needed to warn him to leave town and that he still wasn’t safe. Walt didn’t care if he got caught again after he got to Jesse, but he just had to risk it. Walt knew he would be going away for the rest of his life anyway, however long that would be, “what’s a little more time thrown on top for a simple hospital escape going to do,” he thought to himself.

But how in the hell was Walt going to get out of this hospital. Everyone knew that the great Heisenberg was in there now, recovering from his bullet wound and cancer. Walt just couldn’t see himself getting out of there. He thought about all of the crazy plans that he saw on TV. “Maybe a disguise,” he thought, “maybe I roll out on the bottom of the food cart or maybe I pay someone to lay in the bed while I stroll out of here in doctors scrubs. “Shit! I have no money.” All of the possibilities seemed completely ridiculous to Walt. There was probably only one way of getting out of there and that was during the changing of the guard, but even that seemed ridiculous. He thought, “maybe some sort of distraction would work?”

Walt realized there was one more possibility and even it was ridiculous, but it just might work. The hospital had been busy at the time of Walt’s recovery from immediate surgery and the only room that was left was on the first floor. The room had a small, slender rectangular window that stretched from floor to ceiling in the corner that did not open. It was still an advantage though. From where the agents were sitting outside of the door, the window could not be seen. The agent’s view of the room was somewhat limited and Walt knew that was an advantage to. However, how was he going to break the window without a lot of noise and judging from what he could make out of the window, the glass looked pretty thick as well.

Walt wanted to test the waters though. He wanted to see the agent’s reaction time as well as how aware the guards were of Walt’s activities in the room. Walt grabbed his glasses off the food tray sitting next to him and slowly started to sit up in the bed. The pain was still searing, but it was a little more manageable then just a day ago. He turned around and switched off the monitor that he was hooked to. Fortunately, he was not handcuffed to the bed like he thought he might be, so he unhooked himself from all of the wires. He lifted up his hospital gown and checked out his wound. It was certainly still in the healing process and Walt would have to be very careful with it. He wondered if he would even be able to walk…he could. 

Slowly, Walt swung his legs over the bed while still watching the agent, who was paying absolutely no attention, and Walt began to stand up. A little wobbly at first, but he managed fine. The agent still didn’t notice that Walt was now standing up. Walt hobbled over to the window while still keeping an eye on the agent and examined the window for any cracks or possible defects during installation. Oddly enough, the window was already a little loose, so that if you pressed on it, it gave a little. It had not been set in correctly by the builders. Also the glass was not tempered and not as thick as Walt had thought previously “Another advantage,” Walt smirked to himself.

He hobbled back over to the bed and proceeded to get back under the covers and hook himself back in to the monitor. The agent never looked up from his phone the entire time, not once, and was completely oblivious while he either texted or was playing a game…Walt wasn’t sure which one. Whatever the agent was doing though, he seemed to Walt to be a complete idiot…. another advantage.

Walt didn’t know how long they were planning to keep him at the hospital so he decided to put his plan into action immediately. It would be helpful if Walt had some duct tape to quiet the shattering of the window as he broke it, but he didn’t think he could get his hands on any. A hammer would be nice to, but he had to make due with whatever he could use in his room or brought to him on the lunch tray. He also needed extra pillows to leave in his place while he left the bed to give him some time.

He really didn’t have much interaction with the hospital staff. They only came in once in a while to feed him, give him meds or change his bedpan out and he knew what times those were. The DEA stopped questioning so often after he continually gave his two word “Fuck you” answer to any of their tactics, “so there really shouldn’t be any surprises,” Walt thought to himself. In fact, if Walt timed it just right, he figured out that he could have as much as a four hour lead before anyone realized that he had gone, that is assuming that he could break the window and squeeze his way out without any sound.

The very next visit he would get would be from a nurse coming to give him meds, so he decided to ask the nurse for three extra pillows along with some medical tape. The pillows were for two reasons. First, he needed a couple of pillows to leave behind in the bed to cover them up to make it look like he was still there sleeping. Secondly, he needed another pillow to muffle the sound as he banged on the window to break it. He needed the medical tape to act as duct tape so he could first tape up the window before he started pounding on it. The tape should not only act as another sound barrier, but as a shatter barrier as well. The glass would shatter leaving the pieces stuck to the tape instead of falling to the ground.

“Evening Mr. White, time to take your medication.” A pretty nurse with blonde hair and blue eyes, that reminded him of Jesse’s baby blues, came in with Walt’s pain meds right around 7:00pm.

“Thank you Bonnie…oh, and by the way, do you think you might be able to get me some extra pillows and some medical tape?” Walt asked smiling at her pleasantly.

“What do you need medical tape for,” asked the nurse, looking at him a bit curious.

“I just want to be able to dress my own wound a little better…it’s no offense to the staff here of course. I would just like to be able to do it myself when everyone is busy.”

“I will check with the agents outside and make sure that it’s okay for me to bring you some to use yourself.”

“Thank you Bonnie,” replied Walt pleasantly.

About fifteen minutes later the nurse returned with two more pillows and a roll of medical tape.

“Ah…perfect,” Walt said. “Thank you so much again Bonnie.”

After the nurse left, Walt went straight to work. He switched off the monitor, unhooked himself and slipped out of bed while watching the agent as he did earlier. He placed the two pillows under the covers and arranged the blankets in such a way so that it still looked like he was there. The agent was still engrossed in his smartphone, but did seem a little more bored now. Still, the agent was either talking to nurses or checking his smartphone. He very rarely glanced through the window on the door to check on Walt.

Walt hobbled over to the side window and went to work placing the tape all over the window, trying to work quickly with it. Once the tape was set, he placed the pillow over it as well and then kicked as hard as he could with his good side’s leg while grasping the corner of the wall with his bad side. The pain shot through Walt terribly from his wound, but since the window had already been a little loose to begin with…it came right out without any major noise.

 

Jesse was a little depressed again. He had spent this whole last week in bed or attempting to find Brock…which he did find Brock. Jesse was using the internet at the library and kept a very low profile. He read in an online paper about Andrea’s death and her own little boy that had found her…Brock. He was able to deduce from the various articles that Brock was living with Andrea’s grandmother now. Jesse knew that Brock was probably safe now and that he should leave town as soon as he could, but he just couldn’t bring himself to go back to the compound to get the money or, for that matter, if the money would even be there anymore if he did.

Jesse also discovered through the news articles that Mr. White was still alive and recovering at Gibson Medical Center in ABQ. Jesse was absolutely shocked when he read the article and almost started crying right there in the library. He wanted to go see Mr. White, he wanted to tell him what he wanted to say. He just needed to see him. Jesse couldn’t really explain the feeling that he had after he read the article, but he did start to cheer up a little bit. Even though he had been so angry and so fearful of Mr. White, he really came to realize just how much Mr. White had cared for him. He understood now why he had done some of the terrible things that he did…even to Brock, Jane and possibly Mike.

During one of his beatings with Todd and the rest of the crew, Jack had said something to Jesse that he could hardly believe. The beating was after the whole crew had watched the entire recording of Jesse ratting and Todd had been relentless. “Ya know that old partner of yours told us you weren’t a rat,” Jack began. “Told us that you were like family and that we should just kill you quick cause you wouldn’t listen to reason. He told us that it should be painless. Guess he didn’t know about this shit tape that you made with his DEA brother in law. Wonder if he’d be givin you any pats on the back for betrayin’ him…since you’re like family and all. Sure glad we found out what you really are…rat.” Jack flicked his ciggerette at Jesse’s head and then kicked him hard in the stomach. “I’m sure Walter would be okay with this now. Don’t ya think…rat?”

What Jack said hit Jesse pretty hard. Jesse didn’t believe that Walt cared about anyone besides his own family -and that was true- he didn’t. Jesse started crying silently realizing the mistake he made in talking to Hank. He wished he could take it back, but he couldn’t. The beating he was getting now actually felt like a good punishment for what he had done to betray Mr. White. Jesse took it, like he always did and then curled up in his pit and cried harder then he ever had. 

He really didn’t know how Mr. White felt about him anymore though. He had saved his life in the end, but he did order a hit on him in the first place. Jesse felt confused about it all, but he still wanted to see Mr. White. After all, he was really the only person that Jesse could talk to anymore and he really needed someone to talk to that knew him and knew everything that he had been through. A tiny part of him was still angry at the man of course, since most of the shit that he did have to go through was because of him in the first place, but Jesse couldn’t explain the feeling that he had to just want to see him again in spite of it all. It was as if he felt that Mr. White could make it all go away like magic.

In some ways, Walt was Jesse’s hero; albeit a hero with some serious tragic flaws, but some kind of hero to Jesse nonetheless. Jesse thought to himself, “who the hell else would have come in guns blazing and saved me from those psycho fucks?” He knew that Mr. White could make things happen, good or bad and he really needed some of that magic right now. Jesse felt a bit stuck, knowing that he needed to move forward and fast, but too afraid to do so.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

Walt was on the run again. He squeezed his body through the tiny opening and was very glad that he had lost so much weight -this would not have worked otherwise. Unfortunately, Walt was still in the hospital gown and that would certainly draw some attention. It was sunset outside and Walt had squeezed right into a row of bushes in front of the hospital completely unnoticed, but he had no time and needed to go now. He stayed behind the bushes and made his way to the end of the hospital with only one thought running through his mind…”Jesse.”

Luckily, the street wasn’t very busy and hardly anyone was on the sidewalk. Walt hobble-ran to a covered bus stop and waited on the bench. He thought for sure any bus driver would take pity on him and let him ride since he was in a hospital gown. Walt was right, he talked his way onto the bus and rode out to the nearest stop to Jesse’s house. By the time he finally got to that stop, two hours on his four hour lead had already been burned up. It was dark now and Walt continued to hobble-run in his hospital gown all the way to Jesse’s house. He saw the same car that Jesse had drove off the compound in sitting in the driveway. He just hoped that he was alone.

Bang, bang, bang, “Jesse! Jesse, it’s Walt. Open up now please,” Walt called frantically.

Jesse was sitting on his couch playing a video game when he heard the banging. He turned his head quickly, staring at the door, with a feeling of anxiousness sweeping over him. He shot up in disbelief and ran to the window to look outside. There he was…Mr. White in a hospital gown, alive and banging on his door.

Jesse ran to the door and opened it up fast. “Jesse…Jesse,” said Mr. White panting and out of breath. “I need to talk to you…can I come in…please.”

Jesse was already grabbing his arm and pulling him in as he spoke. He had an urge to hug him, but refrained. “ohmigod…Mr. White…what in the hell are you doing here…I mean it’s great…to see you alive and all, but aren’t you like under arrest…or something?” “Why don’t you come over here and sit down,” said Jesse gesturing to the couch.

Walt took a seat on the couch and began, “Jesse…I don’t have much time…maybe an hour or so before they realize that I’ve left the hospital, but I had to come and warn you to please get out of town.”

“That’s why you came all the way here…in a hospital gown…to tell me to get out of town?” Jesse stated in a deadpan voice.

“Yes, Jesse.” Walt then started coughing and couldn’t seem to stop for a minute.

Jesse ran to the kitchen and grabbed him some water from the sink and handed it to him.

“Mr. White…I know I need to leave. I’ve been thinking about it for the past week…I mean I’m not that much of an idiot. But it seems to me like you just pushed my time table up a little bit…I mean you being the most wanted man in the southwest and all. I mean this is probably the first place that they would come looking for you…right?”

“Yes, Jesse…and I’m sorry for that, but I just had to make sure that you were safe and that you were okay.”

“Well, thanks for that and all…but, it seems to me that I would be safer without you in my house at the moment.” Jesse ran a hand over his face and the top of his head as he was feeling a little anxious. “Actually, I think we need to leave now Mr. White…I mean they could be coming any minute…ya know?” Jesse gazed down at Mr. White waiting for a response.

“We?” Walt looked up at Jesse and met his gaze “Jesse, I can’t go with you. I thought that you would want me to stay behind and face this.”

“Mr. White,” Jesse began softly, looking directly in to Walt’s eyes and squatting to match his eye level on the couch, “you are all I have left now and I can’t lose you to…I already thought that I had…but I am not going to lose you again…ever.” Jesse stood up quickly, turned and ran upstairs… “ Yo, I’m grabbing you some clothes and then we are out of here.”

Walt felt a bit stunned at Jesse’s words. He thought to himself, since when was Jesse the sentimental type with him? Whatever it was though, Walt felt something a little unfamiliar flare up in the pit of his stomach when Jesse was staring at him with those beautiful blue eyes of his.

Jesse ran back downstairs and threw some clothes at Walt as he dashed into the kitchen to grab some stuff for the trip. Not that he had much anyway, but at least some old pop-tarts, ramen, and some crackers. He was all out of Funyons and without money he wasn’t able to pick up any anyway.

Walt hobbled quickly to the bathroom where he washed up a bit and got dressed in some of Jesse’s clothes. It felt strange wearing his clothes. They were a little loose on him, but since Jesse wore such big clothes anyway, at least the height was close to being right.

“Yo!” Jesse called at the bathroom door, “you ready to go in there?”

“Yeah! In a minute,” Walt called back.

Walt hobbled out of the bathroom in a large black and orange hoodie with a pair of slightly baggie black jeans. Jesse threw a pair of sneakers at him and he made his way to the couch to put those on. “What do you know,” chuckled Walt silently to himself “we wear the same size shoe.”

“Ok…Ready Mr. White?” Jesse was packed and ready to go. He held a couple of bags in his hands and he was staring at Walt in his clothes. “Wow…I didn’t think it was possible, but you almost look more ridiculous in my clothes then in the hospital gown.”

“Ha Ha…very funny. Well, maybe if you owned some clothes that actually stuck to your body, I wouldn’t look so ridiculous,” Walt fired back jokingly.

Walt and Jesse made their way to the car and loaded it up. It suddenly hit Walt though, that probably neither of them had any money to get very far.

“Um….Jesse?” Walt began timidly, “Do you have any money?”

“No…but, I’m pretty sure we have enough gas to make it back to the compound.”

“Back to the compound?”

“Ya man, that’s where your money is,” Jesse replied confidently.

“You know where my money is?”

Jesse backed up the car and started driving to the compound.

“But the compound Jesse…it must be closed off and everything in it seized by the DEA?”

“Ya, but your money should still be there…it was well hidden I think.”

“You think,” Walt replied quick, “So, you don’t really know where it is.”

“Listen…Mr. White, I have a pretty good idea of where it’s hidden…I am not saying I ever saw the whole thing stashed…but, I did see Jack and some of his crew going to this one particular spot pretty often on the compound and coming back with cash in hand.”

“So was this your plan all along then? To go back to the compound and try to find my money so you could escape?” Walt asked dryly.

“Well ya Mr. White…you were dead….and then…uh…when you weren’t dead…you were dying in the hospital and waiting to go to prison. So…I uh…really didn’t think that you would be needing it anymore.” Jesse felt a bit anxious, but he hoped Mr. White would understand.

“I know Jesse, it’s fine…I was just teasing you a little.” Walt smirked a little, looked over at Jesse’s face and patted him a couple times on the knee to let him know he was messing with him.

Jesse’s face perked up a bit and then he turned and looked straight in to Walt’s eyes and quietly mouthed “Dick.” He only kept eye contact for a second since he was driving, but it was enough to send shivers down Walt’s spine.

“Really Jesse, if my family couldn’t have the money…you are the only other one I would have wanted to have it.” Walt felt like he was hoping that Jesse would hear the other meaning in that though.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Walt and Jesse arrived at the compound around 3:00am. They parked pretty far away, so they could see if anything was going on at the compound before they went in to hunt for the money. Jesse was already feeling a bit anxious about having to go back in there, but when he looked at Mr. White he felt so much better knowing that he was there with him. He wasn’t scared of Mr. White anymore and he knew that Mr. White wasn’t angry with him anymore either. But, Mr. White did seem a bit different, a good different though. He seemed like a man who had come to realize a few things about what he had done. He also seemed like he finally wanted to take responsibility for the destruction and damage that he caused.

Jesse even thought about what Mr. White had said back at his house. He said “I thought you would have wanted me to stay and face this.” That meant that Mr. White must have been thinking about what he would have wanted him to do. Normally, Jesse would have agreed and would have told him to stay, but Jesse had no one left now, and, in the end, he really didn’t want to see Mr. White behind bars anymore…he just wanted him to be by his side…always.

Walt and Jesse stepped out of the car and into the cold night, desert air. The sky was lit up by thousands of stars and a beautiful, bright full moon near the horizon. It looked like the sky went on forever. In the distance they could hear the howling of something, maybe a coyote. There were some cacti in the distance with their shadows looming long from the full moon. Walt thought that it all seemed a bit eerie, but he caught Jesse looking up at the stars with a small smile on his face. Jesse looked like a scarred angel gazing into the heavens and basking in the glow of the moonlight bouncing off his fair skin. Walt tried to look away, but to Walt…the sight of Jesse, alive, was more beautiful then any other he could imagine. 

Jesse glanced over at Walt who was caught staring at him, “What are you looking at…homo?”

Walt gave a kind of smirk and a nod to Jesse, “Takes one to know one.”

Jesse just scoffed at the remark, “come on man, we got a little way to walk, yo.” Jesse knew he played it off cool… but he could start to feel his face flush and his pulse race a little faster at the way Mr. White was looking at him.

They walked silently side by side until they saw the fence that surrounded the compound. Jesse’s heart started beating rapidly in his chest and he started breathing a little faster the minute he saw the place. Jesse stopped dead in his tracks with his eyes blown wide. He started to feel like he couldn’t breathe. Jesse leaned over a bit trying to catch his breath that was coming much more rapidly…he felt like he might start hyperventilating any second. 

“Are you okay Jesse?” Walt asked in his most soothing voice. Walt broke the silence, which was a welcomed thing for Jesse and he was able to be brought back in to reality a bit.

“Ya man…I’m fine…I just got…I got a little freaked out…for a minute,” Jesse replied as he was panting while leaning over grabbing his chest.

Walt wanted to rub him on the back, but didn’t think that would be a good idea right now. So, instead he decided to try and distract Jesse’s attention somehow.

“You know,” Walt began, “we really are not that far from the Sangre de Cristo Mountains…it really is a beautiful sight at sunrise.”

Jesse snickered a little at Walt and came up from leaning over. He turned in Walt’s direction and met his eyes again while speaking in a slightly lowered, hushed tone, “So you wanna watch the sunrise come up over the mountains with me…Mr. White?”

Walt just rolled his eyes and dryly said “punk,” and started walking again towards the compound.

Jesse followed, but as they got closer Walt realized that they needed some kind of wire cutters. Walt turned to face Jesse with a worried look on his face, “Shit…Jesse, we are going to need some wire cutters to cut through this fence.”

“I’m way ahead of you on that one Mr. White” Jesse reached in the bag that he was carrying and pulled out a pair of heavy duty wire cutters. “Ya….I uh…I lifted them…ya know…from my parents garage when they were both at work. Like I said Mr. White…I knew I was going to have to come up here no matter what.”

Walt sighed in relief, “good boy Jesse,” and patted him on the back smiling.

“Hey…old man….I am not a little kid in your class anymore,” Jesse spat out playfully.

“Okay Jesse…I’m sorry. Thank you for thinking ahead.”

“No worries man…just leave the thinking ahead part to me.” Jesse slapped him on the back lightly after he said that. He knew that comment would get a rise out of him. 

“Ha! Maybe I should have taken my chances with prison if I had known this would be my fate,” Walt quipped.

“Come on man…I know you love hangin with me,” 

Jesse gave Walt another smile and flashed his baby blues at him for a split second longer then normal before tuning around to continue the walk to the gate. But Mr. White held his gaze right back at him for just as long. As Jesse got closer to the gate with Mr. White hobbling along, he wasn’t even thinking about the terrible torture he endured there. There was only one thing on his mind and that was Mr. White..

Jesse realized that he was flirting with Mr. White, but he really didn’t even understand why he was. He wasn’t sure if he was lonely or what…but, Mr. White was matching him and flirting right back. Jesse kind of sighed to himself and looked up at the stars again asking himself why he was so happy to be with this man that he had wanted dead or behind bars for so long. This man that had done so many terrible things to so many people and this man who had done so many terrible things to Jesse himself. There was always a reason behind it of course, but still…this, whatever this feeling was, might be dangerous to pursue if Mr. White really hadn’t changed.

There was a question that was looming in Jesse’s mind that he had to ask Mr. White. He felt like it was burning in him and he needed to understand his thinking on it before he could take another step with Mr. White. Jesse stopped walking again and turned towards Mr. White with a serious look on his face.

“I have to ask you something Mr. White.”

“Go ahead Jesse…What’s on your mind?” Walt really wasn’t sure where this was going, but he figured he would have to answer some of Jesse’s questions at some point.

Jesse first sighed and then began…”Was it easy for you…to order the hit on me? And…I really need you to be honest here…please.”

Walt was a bit blown back by the question…but he knew he needed to answer it and he knew he needed to be completely honest with him.

Walt sighed as well and began “Jesse…it was by far the hardest and the most idiotic thing I have ever done. All of the things that we did and all of the people that I have hurt or even killed…none of it compared to the pain I felt when I felt like I had no other option with you. If you need an explanation as to why I felt like that…I guess I would have to say that it boils down to the day that you didn’t come to meet me at the square. I waited there on a bench for you all alone…”

Jesse cut Walt off midsentence and said, “I was there…I saw you…and there was another guy there not too far away from you…so don’t lie…I saw a guy.

“Jesse…I am not lying to you…I didn’t even order the hit until after the phone call you made to me while I was still at the square. You said “nice try asshole,” remember? And then you said something like you were going to get me where I really live. I made the hit on you right after I realized that you weren’t ever going to listen to me again and that was when I felt like I had no other option. Not to mention Skyler was pushing me to do it as well.”

“Skyler wanted you to kill me?” said Jesse surprised.

“Yes…and even Saul. He compared you to “Old Yeller.” But I defended you every time…I told Saul never to float that idea by me ever again, and when Skyler suggested it I was almost in tears. Jesse…I know that we have never exactly talked like this before, but I always thought of you as part of my family and I am so sorry for absolutely everything that I put you through. I know that a sorry doesn’t change everything that has happened, but I just need you to know how sorry I really am. The decision to kill you was the hardest thing I ever did and I am so glad that it didn’t work out because then I wouldn’t be here with you right now.”

“Ya…I know Mr. White…during one of my beatings with Jack and his crew, Jack told me that you said I was like family to you…and that they were supposed to kill me quick and painless. So many times I wished I was dead…almost every night that I was in that pit and every day that I was forced to cook for those psychos, I wished I was dead…but now…being with you again…I couldn’t be more happy to be alive.”

Jesse couldn’t drop it though and continued questioning Walt. “How could you have let them take me though…knowing that they were going to torture me for information?”

“Jesse, when I saw you with Hank…and then when Hank was murdered…I just snapped. I seriously thought that you were the cause of Hank’s death…and I know that is not true now at all…But, at the time, I wasn’t taking responsibility for anything and always looked for someone else to blame. I blamed you for Hank’s death and so I let them take you away.”

“Was that hard for you…I mean…to let them take me?”

“No, Jesse…I was grieving for Hank and had no empathy for you at that moment.”

“Ok, Mr. White…I believe you.” Jesse sighed…he had more questions, but that would have to wait. They were on the run after all and wasted enough time stopping and talking so much. It was good for Mr. White though to take the breaks while walking. He was still very much in the recovery process of surgery and really shouldn’t be doing any kind of physical activity with the wound healing…not to mention the cancer that was still there.

 

They arrived at the gate of the compound which was covered in police tape. They both started looking around for any police cars, agents or officers, but there was no one in sight. The place was completely empty.

“Mr. White…if we find the money…how are we…like…gonna haul it all out of here?”

“Well…we might not be able to take it all back with us, Jesse.”

“Wow…you have changed man.”

Jesse took the wire cutters and cut into the fence in a few places near the locked gate. The job was easy and Walt and Jesse slipped right through.

“Okay Jesse…where do you think the money is? It looks like this place has been picked over pretty well by the police, so I hope it’s still here.”

Jesse started walking towards the pit that he was held in and pointed it out to Mr. White. “That’s where I lived Mr. White…I lived there for about five months in that fucking pit with nothing but a picture of Andrea and Brock.” Jesse was starting to get worked up again, but instead of getting really angry with Mr. White, he just looked up at the sky again with a few tears in his eyes.

For Jesse, this situation was the equivalent of a holocaust victim having to return to a concentration camp that had survived and Walt didn’t know what to do for him. He just stood there wanting to hold Jesse and tell him how sorry he was, but that still wouldn’t fix anything. Walt looked down into the pit and a feeling of nausea started to wash over him. He could hardly even comprehend the kind of life that Jesse had been living for the past five months and it made Walt sick that it was all his fault. He was surprised that Jesse could even stand to be around him for two minutes without killing him.

Walt decided to break the silence even though he wasn’t sure if he should, “Jesse…I had no idea they were going to do this to you for so long. I never wanted this for you…I never wanted any of this for you. I just wanted you to be my partner…but you wouldn’t come back to me. I am so sorry, Jesse, again…I am so very sorry.” Walt was completely serious and he hoped Jesse could still continue to forgive him even though Walt felt like he didn’t deserve the forgiveness.

Jesse looked over at Walt with a few tears in his eyes, “Mr White…I had already forgiven you a long time ago…while I was down here in this pit. I thought about you… about us…and I thought about what Jack had told me that you said to him and I realized that you cared about me and that was all I ever really wanted. I knew you didn’t want this for me…and I don’t blame you for what those psycho fucks did to me…I did blame you for a little while anyway…but it felt better to forgive you.”

Walt was overcome…he didn’t know what to say. Jesse seemed so mature now. He wasn’t as defensive and his emotional maturity shocked Walt. At hearing the words that Jesse did forgive him and had even forgiven him some time ago, Walt started to tear up as well…just a little. Walt removed his glasses and dried his eyes with his thumb and fingers quickly and then replaced his glasses.

Jesse watched him and took a couple of steps towards Walt and placed his hand on Walt’s arm. “Mr. White…I’m glad you’re here with me…I don’t know if I could have come here alone.” Jesse sighed and continued, “I was putting it off because I was afraid to come back. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. I was just telling you what happened and where I was held.” Jesse’s eyes met Walt’s as he said the words.

Walt stared in Jesse’s eyes for a few seconds before replying. He felt completely at peace with the way Jesse was looking at him. It was as if his entire path of destruction was just to get to be here with Jesse looking at him at this moment. Walt wanted to say the words…he really just wanted to tell him just how much that Jesse meant to him…but not yet, he thought…not here…not in this place. 

“I’m glad I’m here with you to Jesse,” Walt managed to get out. “I guess we should hurry it along a little…right?”

Jesse took his hand off Walt’s arm, “uh…ya man….we should go….look for the money.” 

Even though it was a bit of a strange time for Jesse to have a certain thought…he was thinking he should have said, “we should go…get a room.” Jesse laughed a little to himself at the thought and was a little concerned that he even had that thought in the first place. Walt even caught Jesse silently laughing to himself about something as Jesse turned around and started walking across the compound.

“Hey,” Walt called, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing man,” Jesse called back, “Hurry it up a little there Quasimodo.”


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jesse walked over to what used to be the meth lab that was housed in a large metal looking barn. He turned around and gestured for Walt to follow him. Jesse slid the large metal door open and looked around. Most of the equipment was gone now and it looked like everything had been stripped pretty clean. Jesse was feeling a little anxious being back, but he was holding himself together now. He walked on through to the other side of the structure and opened the other large metal door that lead back outside. Walt was following, but he was having his own flashbacks as well when they entered the old meth lab.

Walt was sure he was dead…he died right in this spot. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out how he had survived…how he was standing…how he was even again in this very same spot that he had died in just a little over a week ago. The doctors told him that he was airlifted out by helicopter and went into immediate surgery. He told the doctors that he knew he was dead and he wanted to know how he was still alive. The doctors told him that he did die for close to a minute, but the EMT’s at the scene were able to get a pulse back on him and they were able to close off the bullet wound enough to stop any more blood loss. Walt was so angry that he was still alive. He just wanted to be dead and free, but no such luck. 

Still though, he was glad to be there for Jesse right now. Walt could see the panic on Jesse’s face earlier. Walt knew what PTSD was and he was sure Jesse had it. That episode that Jesse had as they were walking closer to the compound was confirmation enough of panic disorder with PTSD…not that Walt was any authority on mental illness, but he had seen it before when Hank was struggling after the El Paso incident. Jesse might need some major counseling in the future, Walt thought. Then he thought that he might need some as well and kind of laughed at himself a little.

“Yo! You comin man…I think it’s buried over here by this shed.”

“Coming,” Walt called back, snapping back to reality.

Walt made his way across the old meth lab and out the other side to see where Jesse was. Jesse pointed to the ground right next to an old shed. “It’s here…I think…I mean I used to watch them sometimes…and I’m pretty sure this is where they always came.

“Okay, it looks like we are going to need a shovel,” said Walt.

“There should be one in the old meth lab…let me check.”

Jesse hurried in to the old meth lab and started looking around pretty frantically, but he saw a shovel pretty fast. Jesse grabbed it and ran back outside to where Mr. White was. 

“Mr White…I got it.” But Mr. White was hunched over having a coughing fit and holding his side where he was shot. Jesse dropped the shovel and ran to his side. “Mr. White…are you gonna be ok man?” Jesse hesitantly placed his hand on his back and started rubbing soothing strokes up and down his back while Walt kept hacking. “Mr. White, you gotta sit down and rest man. Here, just sit down on the ground and I’ll do all the digging.”

“Thank you…Jesse” Walt sat down on the cold ground and continued hacking. He was panting and out of breath. He felt like he was dying that very second. 

“Here,” Jesse said handing him a bottle of water out of the bag he had been carrying.

“Thank you…Jesse…I guess I am struggling a little right now.”

“You struggle…I thought you were like…supposed to be invincible and shit man.”

“Don’t count me out yet Jesse…I just may be.”

Jesse began digging as fast as he could. It didn’t take too long -he hit something soft in the ground pretty quick. Jesse was right…the money was still there.

“Mr. White, I hit something…I think this is it.” Jesse knelt down and swiped the dirt off what he found with his hand. He started pulling up on a very large vacuum sealed plastic clothes bag of money. “Ya Bitch!” Jesse shouted, but he wasn’t even close to being finished. By the end of all of the digging, Jesse had surfaced over 20 large vacuum sealed bags of the same size and material.

Walt couldn’t believe it. There was his money…all of it, and it even looked like there was more then what the gang had stolen. After Walt thought about it, of course there was more since Jack’s crew had been running the business for the last five months and Jesse had been cooking for so long.

“Jesse…I’m sure quite a bit of this is your money in here along with mine. How would you like to split this up?”

Jesse looked down at Walt who was still sitting on the ground and gazed at him with soft eyes, “uh…well…aren’t we going to be…like together…when we leave?”

“Yes, but I just thought that you’d naturally want to split it somehow.”

“No…Mr. White…I don’t care about this money…it’s both of ours…and if we will be leaving town together to start new lives somewhere then we’ll use it together. I mean…we don’t need to split it…I mean unless you’re planning on us…like living separate lives when we escape…but like I said before…I don’t ever want to lose you again…like ever…ok man.” Jesse was urgent in his tone and his eyes burned into Mr. White’s as he spoke.

Walt’s eyes burned right back at Jesse’s with the same look of longing and quiet desperation, “No Jesse…I don’t ever plan on leaving you either. We’ll use our money together.”

“Ok…so we’re agreed then,” Jesse went on, “how the hell…are we supposed to get all of this to the car?”

“With that,” Walt nodded towards a small covered trailer with a trailer hitch.

“Jesse, I’m feeling better so go get the car and I will start loading these bags of money in the trailer.”

“Are you sure Mr. White? I hate leaving you alone right now.”

“I’m fine Jesse, just go get the car…oh…and you will have to open the gate on your way out. I’m not sure what kind of lock the DEA put on it, but hopefully you can manage it.”

“What do I look like…the Hulk… Mr. White, I don’t know if I can break a lock like that.”

“You’ll manage Jessie.”

Walt was right, Jesse managed the lock. It took a little finesse and some ingenuity, but he got it open. He ran to get the car even though he was a little scared to be by himself for some reason, he just shook it off and continued his trek. Jesse thought to himself -the sooner I get the car, the sooner I can get back to Mr. White.

Walt was still loading bags of money into the trailer when Jesse showed up with the car. Jesse parked and jumped out of the car to go and help Mr. White since he looked like he was really struggling with the task.

“Yo…Mr. White…go and relax again. I’ll take care of the rest man…I got it.”

This time, Walt lay down on the ground and looked up at the stars that were starting to become fainter since sunrise was just on the horizon. Patches of blue were starting to appear in the sky while a few wispy clouds dotted the dark abyss and floated by against the stars. Walt imagined himself ascending into the blue of the sky while it seemed to be reaching out to him and moving closer…there’s something about blue...Walt thought to himself.

Jesse finished loading the trailer and hitching it to the car. He walked over to where Mr. White was laying peacefully on the ground. He noticed a faint smile on his old teacher’s face with a look of serenity that he had never seen on him before. Jesse thought to himself that Mr. White really had changed for the better and he was really proud of his old teacher. Jesse stood over him for a minute just sort of staring and wondering what he was thinking about.

“Hey…Mr.White…are you awake?”

Walt opened his eyes to see Jesse’s blue eyes staring straight at him. “More blue,” Walt mumbled as he slowly sat up.

“Here…Mr. White let me help you up.” Jesse grabbed the back of Walt’s arm and helped him to his feet. “Everything’s ready…So, have you thought about…like where we’re gonna go?”

“A little, I think we are going to have to use Saul’s guy again. I’m not really looking forward to it since I didn’t exactly have a wonderful stay at my winter resort the first time, but at least this time I’ll have a bit of company with me.”

“Your winter resort?”

“Yes, Jesse. I have been living in New Hampshire for the past few months in the middle of nowhere in a cabin by myself with no real tv, internet or phone. Needless to say it hasn’t been exactly fun.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t use Saul’s guy…maybe we should just take off and go to another country…like Mexico or Canada. Come on Mr White…we can go anywhere in the world…ya know…just you and me.” Jesse had so much excitement in his eyes that Mr. White didn’t want to break his heart.

“Jesse, we will still need all of the right papers and documentation even if we go to another country and you and I can’t use our current names. But, we might be able to get Saul’s guy to get everything that we need, including passports, and then we can leave after the guy brings us to another state where I am at least not so recognizable.

“That sounds good Mr. White…totally doable…I mean as long as Saul’s guy agrees to help us again.”

“Yeah…that may be a problem…Ed doesn’t give second chances, according to Saul. But, maybe we can negotiate an exception.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sunrise was almost complete as Walt and Jesse drove off the compound with the small trailer full of money they were hauling behind them. They made their way across town to Ed’s store, Best Quality Vacuum. They weren’t exactly sure if Ed would even be willing to accommodate them or if he would just throw them right out of his store, but Walt knew that if they had any chance at a real life somewhere, they would need documentation with new identities.

Ed was working on a vacuum repair when he noticed two figures strolling up to the glass door of the store. Best Quality Vacuum did not open until 9:00am and it was only about 7:00am, so whoever these two were, he thought, they probably did not need a vacuum repair. Ed walked over to the door and recognized Mr. Lambert immediately, the other one he recognized only a little, but was pretty sure that he was the kid who didn’t get in the van on one of his pickups.

Ed just gave a sort of groan to himself and walked over to the door. Through the window, Ed glanced at Jesse and then looked at Walt directly and shook his head with a very intentional and slow “no” motion. Walt looked directly back at Ed through the glass and said, “please…we have money…we will double your normal fee…please.”

Against Ed’s better judgment he unlocked the front door and let the two men in. Jesse and Walt walked in and Ed shut the door and relocked it behind them.

“Mr. Lambert,” Ed began speaking to Walt, “You know that I don’t give second chances,” then he glanced over to Jesse, “to anyone.”

“We will triple your normal fee if that’s what it takes.” Stated Walt.

Ed turned around and started walking towards the repair he was working on a moment ago and said, “I had a feeling you’d be coming back. I heard on the news that you’d escaped from custody while at the hospital recovering. But, I didn’t know you’d be bringing a friend along.”

“This is Jesse,” replied Walt, “He was my partner through this whole thing and we’re going to go together now…if you’ll be willing to help out again,”

“If memory serves me Mr. Lambert, Jesse is also on his second chance as well. He didn’t get in the van on one of my pick-ups.”

“How much do you want, Ed?” Asked Walt dryly.

“Some things are not about money, Mr. Lambert.”

“Thank you, Ed. But, if you’re worried about your protection…don’t be. No one knows where I am and no one even knows that Jesse is alive.”

Ed let out a sigh and said, “Let’s just get this over with then. The price is three million, for each of you. But, if you come out of hiding this time, don’t even think about coming back here.”

“Fine, fair enough,” Said Walt huskily.

Ed immediately placed Walt and Jesse in the safe house while he took care of unhitching the trailer and placing it in his garage outback. He got rid of the vehicle Walt and Jesse had driven there, and then he went to work on forming new identities for each of them. Walter had asked for passports this time along with all of the other documentation, so that would take some time and some doing as well. Jesse seemed worried that Ed would just steal all of the money out of their trailer he was storing for them, but Mr. White had worked with Ed before and knew he could be trusted. Ed had the opportunity to steal Walt’s barrel of money on the trip to New Hampshire, and did not, which helped to put Jesse’s mind at ease…a little.

Jesse and Walt filled their days with playing cards and talking…a lot. More talking then they had ever done. They were both learning how to live with each other and to both of their surprise; they lived together very well and even enjoyed one another very much. During one of the many card games in the safe house, Jesse looked up from his cards and rested his eyes on Mr. White’s face contentedly. He held his gaze on the man while Walt was thumbing through his own hand trying to put together a decent play.

“I think I could get used to this,” said Jesse out of the blue.

“Get used to what?” Replied Walt still in concentration on his hand.

Jesse gently placed his cards down on the table and replied, “You…Mr. White…ya know…living with you…being with you….seeing you every day. It’s…ya know…really not that bad.”

Walt looked up from his cards and felt a jump in the pit of his stomach when he saw Jesse staring at him with his crystal blue eyes fixed on his. Jesse was gazing at him with what seemed to be affection glowing from within and pouring out to Walt. His eyes were beautiful to Walt…the eyes of an angel.

“Well, thank you Jesse. I hope so, since we might be together for the foreseeable future.”

Jesse continued staring at Walt and said, “Ya…I know. Listen…I know I fucked things up to…it wasn’t all you. I totally didn’t understand…ya know…like how you felt about me. And half of the time…I just thought you were planning on offing me…I mean before you actually did put a hit out on me. I’m just sayin…that I get it now. I know it’s a little late now…but, like…I never would have talked to Hank…if I had just understood sooner.”

“Jesse, you were so angry about that boy…Brock,” Mr. White said his name even though it was difficult for him, “that it would have taken you months, which it has, to ever even begin to forgive me for that. Not to mention Jane.”

“Can you tell me what happened, Mr. White? Please…I know you did it for me both times, but can you please tell me what was going on in your head to do that to people that I love…like, even though you say you care about me…like family I mean?”

Walt placed his playing cards down on the table and looked at Jesse with what seemed to Jesse to be genuine remorse radiating from him. Mr. White looked visibly shaken by the question, but also wanting to explain it to him just as badly as Jesse wanted to hear it.

Mr White sighed and began, “I guess the only thing that can adequately explain what I did to you was my selfishness Jesse. It was selfishness that formed out of the…love…that I have for you.”

Jesse’s eyes widened even more then they already had been, “You mean love me…like family…right?”

Walt stood up, not wanting to go on, but at the same time needing to go on. Walt started pacing a bit around the room. As Jesse watched him pace back and fourth for a few seconds, he wondered if that really was what he meant.

Walt came to a stop and looked over at Jesse and said, “Yes Jesse…at first, I thought it was a love like family anyway…with Jane…I felt like I was trying to protect you. I told you about Jane’s father at the bar already and that we talked about family, but what I didn’t tell you was that, at that time, I already felt like you were part of my family and that was why I went back over there. I wanted to talk to you. I needed to see you. I had to try at least to make you understand that what you were doing was going to kill you and I didn’t want to lose you Jesse. I loved you even back then, and I couldn’t lose you. So, I went back over and I broke in your back door and I tried to shake you awake, but you wouldn’t wake up. I saw the needles on your nightstand and it ripped my heart out. But, while I was shaking you awake, I must have moved Jane off of you and on to her back, and that’s when it happened. She started choking and I ran around the bed to push her on her side, but I stopped myself and stood there…knowing that if she died that you might have a chance to clean yourself up. I cried Jesse…I stood there in that room and I cried for the pain that I just caused you and for what I had not done to help that girl. It’s been eating me alive ever since. I have never been able to get over what I did to you that day and now that you know the whole truth, I don’t blame you if you’re angry with me again.”

Walt stood there with his head down and shaking a little from nerves. Jesse took in what Mr. White said and noticed how upset he was. Jesse stood up and walked over to him. Slowly, Jesse reached downward to grab Mr. White’s hand. Walt flinched at the touch for only a second and then settled in to it. Jesse interlaced his fingers with Walt’s and with his other hand placed his fingers on Walt’s chin and pushed his head very gently up to meet his eyes. Walt’s eyes were wet as he looked into Jesse’s.

“Jesse…please, I am so sorry.”

“I know, Mr. White. It’s not okay…what you did…but I needed to hear this. I mean…not helping someone who is in front of you dying…is not okay even if you did think that she would eventually kill me.”

Walt interrupted Jesse quickly and said, “Jesse…when you are a parent and someone is hurting your child, which is an accurate description of how I was feeling at the moment, you will do anything to keep them safe.”

“Mr. White, I am not your son and I hope that you don’t think of me like that anymore…I’ve done a lot of growing up recently. But, I needed to hear this…to find out if I would still…forgive you anyway…after I heard the truth. And…I do…Mr. White.”

“Thank you Jesse, for your forgiveness…it means so much to me. And no, I don’t think of you as a son. My feelings for you were confused, but I know better now. And me calling you a part of my family was just a way for me to justify to myself and to others how much I really care about you.” 

If it was possible, Jesse’s eyes looked even bluer then Walt had ever seen them. They both stood there with their fingers interlaced, staring into eachother’s eyes softly. Walt thought he might be dreaming or that maybe he had died and this was some sort of heaven where he could look into Jesse’s eyes forever while Jesse just stared back at him with the same sort of softness for him. It was surreal, for both of them, and they weren’t really sure what to do next until they both heard a knock at the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

“Hey Guys.” Ed Walked in and broke the moment holding a couple of trays of food. “It’s dinner time.”

Mr. White and Jesse both jumped apart and Ed kind of looked at them for a split second and said, “Should I be working on sending you two to a state that has legalized gay marriage. You know guys, I have you on camera. I guess it doesn’t surprise me too much, I have seen it all.”

Walt and Jesse took the trays from Ed and thanked him. After he left the room, they both busted out in nervous laughter. 

After a minute of laughing Jesse looked over at Walt and asked, “Do you think he’s serious? I mean…do we really look that gay when we’re together?”

Walt sat on his bed and set his tray aside, “I don’t know Jesse. Do you really care that much what he thinks?”

Jesse sat over on his bed and began to pick at his food a little, “I don’t know man…I mean…I’m not meaning it like it’s a bad thing…I mean it like…maybe it’s almost like an ok thing that he thought that…about us.” Jesse looked over at Walt with a look of uncertainty.

“What exactly are you saying Jesse?” Walt looked directly back with his green eyes piercing Jesse, a little in shock at what he’d heard.

Jesse lowered his head a little with his nerves absolutely racing. He wanted to tell Mr. White so bad how he really felt about him, but he didn’t know for sure if that’s what Mr. White wanted. He had an idea that he might feel that way, especially after Mr. White said that he only at first thought of Jesse as family and that his feelings were confused. So, did that mean that Mr. White’s love had changed for him to be something more now?

Jesse continued staring down at the bed but began to speak, “Mr. White, look…I don’t know when it happened, but it did. I have been going over it and over it in my mind…and I can’t come up with the exact moment…it kind of happened slowly…like over time. I mean you saved me so many times…you fought for me…you protected me and you were always by my side no matter what…I mean at least until the end…before you knew that I talked to Hank. But, I think it hit me for real when you took that bullet for me. After I thought about that kind of a sacrifice…WOW…but, it wasn’t just that either. I have this like…connection with you that I can’t get out of my head. I mean…like, I want to be with you always…like I need to feel you.” Jesse shifted nervously on his bed, but was having some trouble just saying the words.

Walt got up from his bed, walked over to Jesse’s and sat facing him. This time it was Jesse’s turn to be nervous and Walt took both of Jesse’s hands in his and said, “Jesse…I am more in love with you then I have ever been with anyone. I’ve never felt this way for someone, not even Skyler, and I don’t care to be alive anymore if I’m not with you always. You’re my sole reason for living; the sole reason that I keep hanging on. Without you, I have nothing and I am nothing.” Walt looked at Jesse who was in total shock, but so elated and relieved that Mr. White felt the same way he did.

Walt continued, “I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, my Jesse.”

Jesse squeezed Walt’s hands in his with tears in his eyes and nerves churning in the pit of his stomach. Jesse looked up at this man who was looking at him with the most serene and content look he had ever seen on Mr. White. 

“You stole my line Mr. White…I’m so madly, fucking in love with you.” Jesse was smiling and couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy.

Jesse took his hands out of Walt’s and wrapped his arms around Walt’s shoulders to pull him in closer. Jesse’s breathing came a little faster and his pulse started racing even more than it already was. Walt’s heart was pounding as well and he felt almost drugged as Jesse closed the gap between them. Jesse’s lips were so soft on Walt’s with the sprinkling of Walt’s whiskers between them as well; it was an intoxicating feeling for them both. They sat there on the bed kissing passionately with tongues intertwined, whiskers tickling and hands running up and down one another’s body just feeling each other in ways they had never known one another. Both of them feeling so overcome with this sense of absolute clarity that only comes from something being so right. 

Jesse broke away from the kiss for just a minute and breathing heavy he started saying thoughts out loud, “Oh my fucking god, Mr. White…I want you so fucking bad…I can’t believe how long I’ve wanted this…I love you so much.”

Walt started kissing down Jesse’s neck as Jesse talked away. He sucked and licked his way down to Jesse’s shoulder savoring each taste of his skin while Jesse threw his head back in absolute bliss just moaning into the sensations of Mr. White’s tongue on him, Mr. White’s lips on his neck, Mr. White sucking on his skin. Mr. White…in absolute love with him. 

The feeling of having Jesse like this in his arms and moaning was more then Walt could have dreamed. Walt was practically delirious with want as he pulled down Jesse’s shirt collar to expose more skin for Walt to kiss and suck. The touch between them was electric and the way their two bodies instantly knew exactly what the other wanted was like magic. There was nothing that felt more right to either of them.

“Mr. White…please I need more…I need to feel you more. Please…just fuck me right here man.” Walt’s cock was already so hard that when he heard Jesse begging he thought he may have leaked a bit of precum. 

Walt tore his lips away from Jesse’s neck and said, “Here? Jesse, we have cameras on us right now.”

“I don’t care…I can’t wait any longer for this…do you really give a shit about the cameras, Mr. White? Come on…I need to feel you in me now.” Jesse was whining a bit since his cock was so hard that it hurt. Jesse was leaking some pre-cum as well.

“Okay Jesse…whatever you want.”

Mr. White gazed in to Jesse’s eyes while Jesse gazed right back. Walt brought up one hand to stroke Jesse’s cheek gently as he pressed his lips to Jesse and opened his mouth with his tongue. Jesse’s mouth parted immediately to meet the kiss with their tongues intertwining again. With Walt’s free hand, he grabbed at the bulge in Jesse’s jeans and began to rub him off over his jeans in even, firm strokes. Jesse let out a strangled moan at the sensation of Mr. White rubbing his cock through his jeans…it was almost too much…but he needed so much more.

Jesse grabbed Mr. White’s bulge in his jeans as well and started rubbing him off the same way Walt was doing to him. Mr. White let out a strangled, low pitched moan in Jesse’s mouth when he touched him that went straight to Jesse’s cock. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, sitting on the edge of the bed kissing and rubbing each others cocks through their jeans.

For Jesse, this feeling of kissing and holding Mr. White was better then anything he had ever imagined. Mr. White had always felt like some sort of a drug to him anyway that he just couldn’t get over no matter how much he tried. He always seemed to go back to Mr. White, even against his better judgment, but this was different, Mr. White was different, but somehow he was even more addicted now then he had been before.

Jesse was breathing harder and their kissing was becoming sloppier as they continued to rub each other off through their jeans. Jesse knew there was no way he was going last long enough to have sex with Mr. White…it would have to be a little later. 

Needing to feel so much more of Mr. White though; Jesse stopped rubbing him and unzipped and unbuttoned his jeans in one short motion while pulling down his underwear to expose Walt’s cock immediately. Jesse’s eyes lit up as he grabbed Walt’s cock in his hand and stroked it just a couple of times before he leaned down to take it in his mouth fully.

Walt could hardly believe what was happening. In one short motion, Jesse placed his sweet pink lips around the tip of Walt’s cock and then went down to take it all in to his mouth completely. Walt started babbling a bit at the sensation of having Jesse taking him in.

“Jesse…my Jesse…so good Jesse.

Jesse ran his tongue up and down along the shaft of Mr. White’s cock while Jesse tugged on his own pants to get them down so he wouldn’t burst in them. Mr.White leaned to the side a bit and took over for Jesse getting his pants down just enough for Jesse’s cock to pop out through his boxers. Walt grabbed Jesse’s cock in his hand and began to stroke as Jesse continued giving Mr. White the best blow job he had ever had in his life. The sensations of it all just being too much for either of them and there was no way this was going to last. 

Walt came slightly first as he thrust upwards into Jesse’s throat and released a powerful orgasm that felt like some kind of bomb went off. That was too much for Jesse and he started cumming extremely hard into Walt’s hand and on the bed covers. Jesse was moaning from his own crazy, powerful orgasm while Walt continued to cum streams into Jesse’s mouth hard. Jesse swallowed every bit of cum that Walt shot in his mouth and Jesse savored each drop.

As they both started to come down from their orgasms, Jesse continued licking and sucking at Walt’s cock as it went softer while Walt continued stroking Jesse’s in his hand lazily. Eventually, Jesse came up and wrapped his arms around Walt, kissing him sweetly and sucking on his bottom lip while he smiled at Walt in his most wickedly innocent smirk and whispered in Walt’s ear, “I love you, Mr. White…Always.”

Jesse pulled Walt down on the bed with him and held on to him tightly while Walt rested on his back and continued to catch his breath and cough a little. Walt was struggling with his still healing bullet wound on his side and the awesome orgasm he just had really seemed to irritate it. Walt didn’t really want to tell Jesse, but he didn’t think he was going to be able to have sex with him right away because of it, but Jesse could feel that there might be something wrong with his partner.

Jesse continued holding on to Mr. White for dear life while he spoke kind of quietly to him next to his ear, “Mr. White…um…are you ok…like, where you were shot?”

Walt turned his head over to look at Jesse with a bit of a smirk and replied, “If I’m being honest Jesse, I think that amazing blow job you gave me, might have just killed me.” 

“Mr. White…don’t joke like that man…I’m serious, yo.”

Walt rolled over to his good side while Jesse continued clutching to him. They were in spooning position now and Jesse wrapped his arms around him, while careful not to touch the wound, and burying his head into Mr. White’s neck.

“Come on Jesse…of all the ways I could have been taken down…a blow job from you nonetheless…it is kind of funny.” 

Jesse unfolded himself from Walt to sit up and check on Mr. White’s side. Jesse pulled up the corner of Walt’s shirt, just to the top of the dressing on the wound, and gently touched the tape around the gauze.

Jesse knew that Mr. White took that bullet just for him. Mr. White was ready to die, but didn’t want to die unless he knew that he could save Jesse. Jesse couldn’t get that sacrifice out of his mind and thought to himself, “This amazing man, who was so angry at me, took a bullet for me after all of the shit that went down between us.” Jesse slowly leaned over and very gently kissed the dressing on top of the wound.

“Mr. White…I really thought that you were dead. I really never thought that I would ever see you again. And the thought that this….you and me…like this together…I mean…we almost missed it Mr. White. We almost missed our chance together…like for real together.” 

Jesse looked up at the ceiling with his eyes wet, but not wanting to cry. He knew just how much he loved and needed this man in his life, and the thought of not having him like this, not having him by his side was just too much for Jesse.

Walt pulled his shirt back down and rolled back over on his back and grabbed Jesse’s hand. Walt could here the cracking in Jesse’s voice at the end of his sentence and realized just how much he meant to Jesse.

“I’m sorry Jesse…for so long…I just thought you wanted me dead or behind bars. I mean, why else would you have been working with Hank if you didn’t hate my guts? I know how much I mean to you now, but I guess a part of me wonders why you would ever go to Hank…if you profess to love me so much now?”

Jesse was still looking at the ceiling when he replied, “I didn’t think you loved me back. I mean there was more to it then that…ya know Brock…but, when it comes down to it…it was that.”

Jesse looked over at Walt laying there on the bed, “I was so angry with you Mr. White. You remember…you had just hugged me in the desert and I let you in a little there, even though it was in the back of my mind the whole time that you were just playing me to get what you wanted…I let you in cause I needed to believe that you did care about me. I cared about you so much and I just needed you to care about me to. I would have done anything for you…and I did do anything for you…like, Gale. I didn’t even want to go to see Saul’s guy…if it meant never seeing you again, but I knew I had no choice and I was gonna do it for you.”

“Jesse…when you told me you were out of the business, I took it as a rejection of me. I didn’t think that you wanted to be around me anymore. I know you told me it was because of Drew Sharp, but leaving the business meant that you were leaving me and I…for lack of a better word…was heartbroken…completely heartbroken about it.

Walt squeezed Jesse’s hand in his as they both looked at each other realizing just how much miscommunication went down between them.

“I kind of knew that you were upset about me not wanting to cook anymore, but I promise Mr. White it was only about the cooking. I seriously couldn’t handle anyone getting killed anymore because of what we did.”

“My logical mind knows that Jesse, but that was the connection that I had with you and when you broke that connection between us…I guess I snapped a little since it meant that I was losing you.”

Jesse smiled and looked over in to Walt’s eyes, “I guess we kind of had a bad break-up…huh, Mr. White.”

“Jesse, I think that, by far, that is the most accurate description of what happened between us.”

Jesse continued, “You asked…why Hank? Well, he was the one who found me…while I was pouring gas all over your house. He caught me as I was…lighting some paper to throw down and stopped me. He told me…that we would burn you down together… another way.” Jesse scoffed to himself and said, “I guess Hank…may have been a little heartbroken to.”

Walt looked up at Jesse with a few tears in eyes. “Hank really was like a brother I never had growing up and I loved him Jesse.”

Jesse lay back down next to Mr. White and threw his arms over him to bring him in close. Jesse kissed Mr. White softly on the lips and said, “I know baby…and I am so sorry that you lost him.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

Walt had fallen asleep pretty fast on Jesse’s bed after they’d gotten each other off and talked. Jesse hadn’t asked Mr. White the other hard questions yet about Brock and Mike…but he really didn’t need to ask about Brock. He knew that Mr. White was in a battle with Gus to win Jesse back and that’s why Mr. White poisoned Brock…as a move. But he understood it was a little more then that to though. Now that he knew the truth that Mr. White loved him, he kind of got how he might have went a little crazy to win Jesse’s loyalty back from Gus –a little. 

Jesse could never completely understand why he hurt a child in the process though…and he thought to himself…”what if I did find out…how could he think that I’d ever forgive him if I knew what he did, but I do forgive him -mostly- and I’m even in love with the fucking asshole…how the fuck did that even happen? His stream of thinking continued to flow and he started rationalizing Walt’s behavior, “He was under a shitload of stress with Gus that I fucking caused for trying to kill those two drug dealers, which he ended up offing for me…he just totally fucking lost it and went bat-shit.” 

Jesse lay there awake thinking things through as he watched Mr. White sleep. Jesse had started gently caressing Mr. White’s whole body as he continued to think about everything. The feeling of being able to touch Mr. White this way was absolute joy to Jesse. He always felt like a bit of a caretaker at heart and just enjoyed making others feel good. He had never really been able to do this for Mr. White before and he loved to try and provide him some comfort whether it was from his dick or his touch. Jesse wanted to make everything better for him. He fucking loved this man that he was with and was so grateful that he was even getting to do this at all since Mr. White should have been dead and gone by now. 

As Jesse watched and caressed Mr. White while he slept, he thought to himself how they even got to this point. “When the fuck did we fall in love? Jesse started at Mr. White’s head; he ran his fingers delicately through his hair remembering how he used to look as Heisenberg –completely bald, which Jesse liked and would make sure to tell him in the morning. Then, he moved down to his face thinking, “I liked this guy as a teacher kind of…Jesus, was it then…no…I just thought he was some douche with a giant stick up his ass. I did like going to his class though; even though I ditched most of the other’s…God…maybe I did like him then.” Jesse sighed and continued tracing his fingers all around the lines of his face. “He always seemed to fuck with me the most in class, but I fucked with him right back. I think we both liked arguing with each other…even back then.” A smile appeared on Jesse’s face as he was trying to think back to his high school days in Mr. White’s class.

Jesse remembered how passionate he was with his lectures…like seriously loving chemistry. Jesse didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about most of the time, but he remembered enjoying listening to him sometimes…and fucking with him when he could get away with it. He remembered always trying to smooth talk his way to a better grade. He would always tell Mr. White after class how hard he’d studied and that Mr. White was not being fair with him. Walt never gave in to Jesse though, in fact, he was harder on Jesse then most of his other classmates. Jesse remembered one rare instance though when Mr. White told him that he had great potential to be better then he was…it was an unusual compliment from a judgmental guy, so it stuck with Jesse always. 

Jesse continued to pet Walt and as he moved down to Mr. White’s mouth, he couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him while he slept. He leaned over as quietly as he could and gently kissed Mr. White’s sleeping lips, just relishing in delight that he could do that without question and it be totally normal. Jesse checked to make sure he didn’t wake him and then continued tracing his fingers around his mouth and whiskers still wondering when the moment was exactly that they fell in love. Eventually, Jesse drifted off to sleep still caressing Walt. He had gotten almost all the way to the bullet wound before he drifted off with his arm around him.

 

Ed was finishing up obtaining all of the documentation for Walt and Jesse the next morning. It had been a little over a week with the couple living in his safe house, but they had really only just made it official last night. Ed was very glad to get them out of his custody and away from his cameras. Ed was fine with their choices, he just really didn’t want to see it on his monitor. And when Ed glanced down at one of his monitors after he had just given them dinner last night, he dropped one of his heavier vacuum repairs on his foot from the sight on the screen. So, Ed was very glad they would be leaving for their new life together today.

Downstairs in the safe house, Walt and Jesse were waking up still wrapped up in one another when they heard the knock on the door. Ed peeked in and simply said, “Time to go guys,” then closed the door just as quickly. Walt yawned and looked over at Jesse who wasn’t quite ready to unwrap himself from Walt yet.

Walt turned over a little to face Jesse more and leaned in to say, “Good morning blue eyes.” He followed it up with a powerful kiss that seemed to claim Jesse as his own. And as their tongue and mouth slotted together, Jesse could feel Walt’s erection rubbing against his thigh and he began to smile and moan little needy noises into Walt’s mouth. Their mouths fit perfectly together, as if they had been made for each other’s pleasure only. All too soon though, Mr. White was pulling away gently to start getting ready for the journey.

Jesse yawned after the kiss and stretched his arms and legs out like a feline in the sun following it up with a “Good morning yourself. I think you’ve got a bit of wood there this morning.”

“Yeah.” Walt chuckled a bit, “Wonder how that could have happened?” Walt reached over to Jesse’s side to check his out. “Yeah…I think you’ve got a little there yourself.”

Jesse let out a bit of a groan at his touch and said “Come on Mr. White, we’re starting our new lives today…apparently.” Jesse reached back over to him and pulled Mr. White down on top of him with his face less then an inch from his and his blue eyes shining excitedly into Walt’s and said, “Can you believe that we’re starting our new lives like this…It’s fucking incredible!” 

Walt closed the gap between them with Jesse’s lips parting instantly to take in Walt’s tongue. They stayed there like that in bed for a few minutes with tongues intertwined and breathing each other’s hot breath and air like they couldn’t get enough. They left their eyes open some of the time while they kissed, so they could stare at one another, like gazing right at the other’s soul. It was incredible for both of them to experience this feeling that they were finally allowed to feel and share that had been there hidden for such a long time.

Walt lifted his head up breathing a little heavy and said, “Come on Jesse, let’s get out of here.”

“Where do you think he’ll be sending us, Mr. White?”

Walt looked over at Jesse, his eyes glinting with mischief and replied, “I don’t have a clue, Jesse.”

Walt had an idea of where they were going. But he didn’t know for sure if Ed could get them there. The first day they arrived at Ed’s, while Jesse was using the bathroom, Walt had requested that they go to Alaska. Walt had heard one of Jesse’s friend’s mention that they thought he had moved to Alaska anyway, so Walt thought that he might like that. Ed let Walt know that he did have some connections to get him up there, but that it was a bit of a risky trip since they had to cross the border into Canada if they wanted to go by road. Air travel was out of the question and going by ferry might be a challenge as well. Ed said he would look into the possibility of getting them there, but made no promises, since that was such a long and hard trip for him to bring them supplies to. Walt didn’t want to tell Jesse just in case it wasn’t possible. 

 

Ed came back down after about thirty minutes to make sure they were ready to go. Ed walked in with a bit of a limp and handed them new driver’s licenses, birth certificates, social security cards, made-up but now legitimate credit reports and passports to both of them and said, “Alaska is a bit of an odd request, but it’s in my network…so I hope you two will be happy up there. Oh, and I heard on the news that they passed the same-sex marriage law up there.”

Jesse stared down wide-eyed at his new driver’s license that said Alaska on it and then looked back up at Walt. “How did you know, Mr. White?”

Walt smiled at Jesse and simply said, “Well, it’s my job to know these things about you now.”

Jesse gave Walt the widest smile he could and pulled him in tightly for a warm hug and whispered in his ear, “You are un-fucking-believable.”

Walt hugged him tightly back and said, “Don’t thank me too much yet. Have you seen your new name?”

Pulling away a little worried, Jesse looked down at his new name on the license that read; HARTWELL, EDWARD J. 

Jesse looked back up at Walt…”You’re middle name…Mr. White…you made that my last name?”

Ed looked at them both and said, “Guys, I’m gonna give you another few minutes to talk, but then it’s time to go. I’ll be back in ten, so be ready.”

Out of the corner of Walt’s eye, he caught a glimpse of Ed limping a bit, “Hey Ed, are you okay? What’s with the limp?”

Ed continued walking through the door, but called back to Walt with his back turned, still walking, “Dropped a vacuum on my foot last night after I saw something on my monitor that I shouldn’t have seen…foot will be fine though. Don’t know if I can say the same for my eyes.”

Jesse and Walt just kind of looked at each other with the same kind of smirk on each of their faces. Then they started snickering a bit to one another like a couple of kids who had just managed to annoy a teacher in class.

After they finished chuckling to one another, Jesse was still smiling at Walt and couldn’t resist the urge to move a little closer to him and say in his sexiest voice, “So maybe we should give him an even better show before we leave?” As Jesse asked the question, his face was right in Walt’s. Jesse licked his lips and cocked his head a little to the side with his eyes glazed in pure lust. He glanced down at Walt’s lips and then back up to meet his eyes and flashing a bit of his boyish, but sexy white smile said, “Come on Mr. White…what do you say?”

The sight of that was enough to send Walt right over the edge and he felt himself go almost instantly hard at the way Jesse was looking at him. Walt slid both of his arms around Jesse pulling him in closer. Jesse could feel Walt’s erection on his hip which caught Jesse a little off guard, but left him feeling very pleased with himself as well as crazy aroused. Walt inched his face even closer to Jesse so that they were touching foreheads with eyes piercing each other. Then Walt tilted his head to the side a bit and lowered his voice to his deepest, most severe Heisenberg voice and mouthed, “Tease.”

“Oh Fuck Mr. White…I’m not teasing man.” Jesse pressed his lips to Walt’s ferociously and slammed him up against the nearest wall. Then Jesse started grinding his hips on Walt’s -very hard- so they could feel each others erections rubbing together.   
Walt’s mouth parted instantly to take Jesse all in. Jesse loved the sensation of having Walt nailed against the wall and doing whatever he wanted to him. He grabbed a fistful of Walt’s hair and pulled; then he slipped his other hand up Walt’s shirt to rub and grab his nipples. Jesse was in full throttle mode and completely ready to fuck Mr. White himself…until he felt the medical tape right around Walt’s bullet wound bringing him back down to earth from his insane high.

Walt could sense Jesse slowing down the minute he felt Jesse hit the medical tape with his hand. Walt was so excited that he didn’t even care that it was really going to hurt him if Jesse kept it up, but Jesse cared. Slowly, Jesse took his hand out from under Walt’s shirt and then placed both of his hands on the sides of Walt’s face and said, “I am so sorry Mr. White…I totally forgot for a minute. Heisenberg fucking drives me crazy.”

“It’s fine Jesse, really. I’m okay.” He looked into Jesse’s eyes and said, “You sure you want to stop because I am really enjoying myself here.”

Jesse just smiled at Walt and laughed a little bit, “Trust me…the next time I do this to you…you will not be getting out of it until I say so.”

Walt huffed, “Oh… you say so! Well, we’ll see how that goes. It may be me doing this to you next time, and if that’s the case…you will be begging me to let you go.”

Jesse just smiled, “I will never beg you to let me go…no matter what kind of sick, twisted shit you want to do to me.” Jesse glared heatedly in to Walt’s eyes while saying that last part. 

Walt smirked slyly and said, “Sounds like a fun challenge Jesse…I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You think I’m the bitch, don’t you…ok…well, we’ll see who’s the bitch when I’ve got you screaming my name…original name, not Edward.”

Walt cocked his head and lowered his voice again with a little glint in his eye, “Jesse…Say my name.” And they both busted out into laughter.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The trip to Alaska was very rough. Ed made Jesse and Walt ride in separate compartments in the back of an empty cement truck the entire ride there. There was a metal divider inside of the tank that divided one side from the other, so Walt and Jesse couldn’t even speak to each other without having to shout. 

Ed hardly stopped for the entire ride on the Alaska Highway, even for the occasional bathroom break. The metal tank on the truck was curved, slanted and very cold. It was really no place for anyone to be for an extended amount of time, but these were not normal circumstances either. Walt had a lot of time to think while he and Jesse travelled to Alaska to start their new lives together, and Walt became increasingly worried about Jesse getting hurt by him again. 

Walt still had cancer, he was still a dying man and no amount of support, love or even newly found happiness could erase that fact from his mind. Jesse had already been so tortured by everything that had happened, so it just didn’t seem fair. Walt asked himself if it was even right for him to continue this sort of relationship with him since he knew he was just going to die on him anyway.

In the compartment on the other side, Jesse was battling his own demons as well. Being inside the small metal tank made him feel like he was right back in the pit at Jack’s compound. Jesse curled himself into a little ball and tried to sleep as much as he could. He was used to being alone now with his own thoughts, but still, there was a feeling of entrapment that was hard for him to shake.

The few times Jesse did find sleep, he always awoke with a bit of sweat on his brow and his heart racing faster. He knew Mr. White was right on the other side of the divider though, and that eased his mind…a little. He was hard on himself though, which only served to make matters worse. Jesse constantly told himself that he was being a pussy and that Mr. White wouldn’t want him anymore when he found out what kind of coward he really was. 

Jesse would knock on the divider when his thoughts became too overwhelming for him. He knew that Mr. White was there and that he would knock back. Jesse would knock three times on the divider, as if to say I love you, in Jesse’s mind anyway, and he always heard a knock back from the other side with the same three taps. Jesse had a feeling that Mr. White knew what the three knocks meant and it always made him feel a little better and brought a small smile to his face.

Ed had decided that the couple needed to be separated during travel for many reasons, but the main one being noise. If he had to pull into a weigh station for any reason at all, there was always a chance that if the two guys couldn’t keep their hands off each other or keep their mouths shut during the process that someone might hear something in the tank. This was a dangerous trip to Alaska for all of them and Ed couldn’t risk even the slightest mistake, so he separated the two new lovebirds within the cement truck. But Ed was clever and even though the truck was technically empty, there still may be some weigh stations along the way that wouldn’t care and make all three-axel vehicles pull into them regardless. Ed also had the truck fitted for the divider along with another compartment that acted as a shield to view the entire inside of the tank. Basically, Walt, Jesse and their money were only sitting in a very tiny section of the tank with the divider between them. In front of them was another metal divider that sat horizontally, so that if someone did open the top of the tank, they wouldn’t see Jesse and Walt sitting there, they would only see what they perceived as the end of the tank going back…a sort of optical illusion.

The trip lasted more than 65 hours total. It was an excruciating drive for Ed. He pulled on the side of the road to sleep only once and he was so tired that he didn’t even bother to let Walt and Jesse out to relieve themselves or see each other. In fact, Walt & Jesse weren’t allowed out of their respective compartments for the entire trip. 

Ed had given them each a couple of lidded bed pans before the trip started and they both looked at Ed in horror as the realization of what the objects were hit them. 

Of course, Jesse had to say something about the lidded bed pans first. “No way man, no fucking way am I doing my business in that, yo! You will have to let me out at some point…cause in no way am I going in that!”

Then it was Walt’s turn. He took the bed pan in his hand and looked up at Ed and dropped it to his side and said, “Really?”

Ed really didn’t give a shit what either of them had to say, so he let them have their little temper tantrums and then off they went. In Ed’s mind, these two shouldn’t even be getting this second chance anyway, so it was very fortunate for them to even have this opportunity.

Fortunately, the trip was uneventful and there were hardly any weigh stations that Ed had to pull into. For Ed’s bathroom breaks, he always pulled over on the side of the road and did his business in the woods. Crossing the border into Canada and then back into the United States to get into Alaska was a breeze and border patrol didn’t even bat an eye at anything suspicious.

The truck made its way through the vast Alaskan wilderness heading towards Fairbanks, and after 65 hours of travel, the truck made its way down a dirt covered drive and then came to a stop at a tiny log cabin in the middle of nowhere. 

Walt and Jesse weren’t entirely sure what was going on, but Walt knew that they must be there by now. He had been keeping track of the date and time and knew that it took about 60 hours -give or take- to get to Alaska from New Mexico. Jesse, on the other hand, had no clue what was going on and was wondering how long he had been in there. Jesse’s PTSD had kicked in a bit while sitting in the compartment and he was feeling anxious…he just wanted out and he couldn’t have been happier when he started to hear the tank’s top open up and someone crawling down to lift off the dividing shield.

Jesse and Walt both had their flashlights on in their respective compartments when a sudden flash of daylight started to creep in from the bottom of the shielding divider that was being lifted away. Walt put down the book he was reading and he suddenly started hearing Jesse cheering next door.

“Yeah baby…whoo…finally!” Jesse helped Ed push off the rest of the divider and as soon as he was free, Jesse turned around to see Walt sitting patiently just looking up at Jesse with smile.

Jesse extended his hand to help Walt up. “Come on Mr. White, let’s go check out our new house.” Walt noticed that Jesse put a lot of emphasis on the ‘our’ part and smiled even wider at Jesse as he grabbed his hand.

“I’ve missed you Jesse. It’s been torture in there knowing you’re just on the other side and I can’t get to you.” Walt said as he was slowly standing up, even though he couldn’t really stand up all the way quite yet.

“Yeah…that was a pretty fucking awful way to travel…let’s never do that again.” Jesse felt a few nerves as he stared in to Mr. White’s eyes after not seeing him for a couple of days. Mr. White stared right back at him and gently placed his hand on the side of Jesse’s face as he stroked his thumb up and down Jesse’s cheek and leaned in for a much needed kiss.

Jesse let out a beautiful sigh in Walt’s mouth, as if peace had suddenly come back in to him along with remembering how to relax and breathe. Jesse would never have admitted at the time, but he felt so much more at ease when Walt was holding him or kissing him. There was a peace that Jesse felt, that had eluded him for most of his life that he felt when he was with Walt and it was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. It was a calmness that eased Jesse’s mind and melted his anxiety away.

Walt felt the same and when he felt Jesse sigh in to his mouth, he knew that Jesse loved him more than anything he had ever felt before. The feeling made Walt almost tear up and he enveloped Jesse tightly in his arms as they stood crouching in the tank of the truck kissing like they hadn’t seen one another in a month.

The minute Ed caught sight of the couple reaching for each other, he had made his exit to give them some privacy. “Come on guys,” Ed called from outside, “let’s get you two situated in the cabin.”  
“Is it okay if we start unloading the bags of money down to you?” Called Walt.

“Go ahead…there should be no one around here for miles.” Ed Called back.

Jesse told Walt to head out while he did all of the lifting of the bags. Walt wanted to help, but he was very sore and already starting a minor coughing fit form the cold air coming in through the top of the open tank. 

Walt crawled out of the tank and took a look around. The light was so bright and blinding after being in a tank for a few days with nothing but a flashlight. Walt stood next to the truck and hacked quite a bit while Ed started grabbing the bags coming through the top of the tank from Jesse.

Luckily, it was the beginning of spring so the air was only slightly icy. Of course it was Alaska, so it was very cold even in the beginning of spring, but Walt was very glad there was no snow on the ground. Walt felt like he had seen enough snow to last a lifetime in New Hampshire.

Ed looked over at Walt with a twinge of sympathy and said kind of quietly, “Does the kid understand you’re a dying man?”

Walt glanced over at Ed and shook his head a little sadly with a no and met his eyes, “I really don’t think that he’s thinking about that…I don’t know if what I am even doing with him is right. He’s already been through so much.” Walt sighed and continued as he stared down at the ground, “I feel like a jerk for this to…this may hurt him even more than anything I’ve done to him before…I just can’t let him go though.”

Ed stared at Walt, just kind of studying him while more bags of money dropped down out of the tank. “No…it’s too late for you guys to separate now since you’ve already started this thing. You’re here now and there is no going back for either of you.”

“I know,” nodded Walt with a sigh in acceptance. “I just wish there was something that I could do to make this easier on him…he doesn’t deserve this. He’s so young and has his whole life ahead of him, he could have had a family with a beautiful wife and children, but I’ve stolen that from him to. Now he’s forced to live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere by the side of a dying old man who has even tried to kill him. I don’t know what he sees in me Ed. I don’t know why this happened.”

Ed looked down at the ground at the pile of money and then back up at Walt. “Ya know…you really are a very lucky man. You have all the money you could ever want and partner that loves you more than I’ve ever seen someone love another. As far as I am concerned, you’re the richest man alive. As for your dying, there is a new drug for lung cancer that just hit the market. It wasn’t supposed to be out for another couple of months, but the drug was so successful in the trials that the FDA rushed it through. You have plenty of money, so if you want, I can try and get it for you. The drug is called Nivolumab or Opdivo and it’s being hailed as some type of new miracle drug for people with lung cancer.”

“I don’t know Ed. I’ve been waiting to die for such a long time now. I’ve gotten used to the idea and hell, I already thought I was dead. By all accounts, I shouldn’t even be standing in front of you right now.” Walt said with a bit of a shrug. “Treatment can be so draining and I’d like my last moments with Jesse to be peaceful and not with him having to clean up after me all of the time and remembering me sick and frail.”

Ed shrugged, “You’ve got someone else to think about besides yourself now again, and I know that kid in there would want you around forever if he could. I think you owe it to him to try to get better since he’s decided to spend his life with you.”

Walt looked over at Ed and sighed…”Maybe”

“Good. I will only be gone for about two weeks then before I come back and I’ll be bringing the new drug with me. Hang in there until then. I think your partner is going to be pretty excited that you are choosing life this time.”

Jesse finished up getting all of the money bags out of the tank and climbed down to join Walt and Ed. 

“Yo, come on…let’s check out our new cabin Mr. White!”

“Jesse don’t get your hopes up to high. The last cabin I had didn’t even have cable or internet. This might be pretty boring for you.”

Jesse flashed a smile at Mr. White’s way and began speaking with a touch of passion in his voice, “I am not in a pit all alone with my own shit, I am not in being held captive or tortured by psycho wanna-be Nazi’s,” Walt flinched at that, “I am not being held as a prisoner at your brother-in-laws house, I am not rotting in a jail cell and I am not in that tank anymore. Who gives a shit if I have internet or TV…I have you now and a bit of freedom with all of this around me to explore.” Jesse opened his arms and gestured to the vast beauty that Walt and Jesse now found themselves in. “I’m good…yo…I’m great!”

Walt smiled and couldn’t help but feel nothing but affection for what Jesse just said. “Ok then, let’s go check out our cabin.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The cabin wasn’t that bad. It was larger than Walt’s previous one in New Hampshire and had a beautiful large brick fireplace. The kitchen had everything they needed and this time they had internet on the new phones that Ed gave them both. Of course he specified that they certainly could not call anyone from their old life, but he felt that they needed the phones for emergencies, especially for Jesse so he could call for Ed’s help if Walt were to drop dead on him. This place was not completely off the grid and had electricity and even cable.

Jesse was thrilled to be in Alaska and spent most of his time outside when he wasn’t taking care of Walt. He found that he loved being in the woods and he had never felt more peaceful then when he was going on small hikes to explore his surroundings. He never went too far away from the cabin because he always worried about Walt needing him, and sometimes his PTSD would rear its ugly head when he felt like he was a bit too alone in the woods, but he would hike a couple miles in a different direction each day. Once in a while, Walt felt strong enough to join him and Jesse enjoyed those days the best. Even though he felt peaceful in the woods, Jesse still didn’t like being alone all that much and Walt’s company was very welcome of course. 

Jesse made sure to bring a gun with him whenever he left for one of his little adventures though. This was the Alaskan wilderness after all and he didn’t want to run into a bear without a gun and Walt wouldn’t let him leave without one anyway. Jesse even started talking about wanting to hunt a little, so they wouldn’t have to rely so much on the supply runs from Ed. Jesse watched some YouTube videos on his phone on hunting and thought it seemed pretty cruel, but he understood that that was where meat came from and why not learn how to depend on yourself.

Walt had good days and bad during the first two weeks that they were in the cabin. But the first night in the cabin together was a very good night and so were the next few days. Walt’s wound in his side was still healing, but the couple days in the truck without any movement really seemed to aid the recovery process and he was feeling much better.

During their first dinner in the cabin that night, after Ed left them alone, Walt looked up at Jesse after taking a bite of steak and said, “Ed will be back in two weeks this time instead of the normal every couple months that he will come in the future.”

“Yeah…why’s that?” Jesse said chewing on a tough bit of steak.

“Well…Jesse, apparently there is a new miracle drug for my condition and he told me that he was going to try and procure some for me.” Walt said kind of matter-of-factly.

Jesse’s eyes lit up instantly with hope and went straight to Walt’s. “What…are you serious? That’s fucking amazing! …So like…we’ve got longer together then…right?”

“This drug might actually be able to cure my condition completely, and that means we could have a normal amount of time together. Well, as normal as a twenty-five year age difference can be anyway.”

“Ohmigod…I can’t even believe it. This is amazing news Mr. White! So, uh…we should celebrate or something…ya know?”

Walt let out a slight chuckle at Jesse’s excitement. “What have you got in mind Jesse?”

Jesse leaned over the table with his eyes sparkling blue up at Walt and placed his hand over his. “I can think of a couple of things. How is your side doing though?”

Walt gave Jesse’s hand a squeeze and said, “Side’s doing much better. I think being immobile in the tank for a couple of days really helped.”

Jesse’s eyes got a little wider at Walt’s response and a sexy smirk appeared on his lips. “I’m thinking we should test out our new bed right now.”

Jesse left the rest of his dinner on his plate and got out of his chair with his hand still in Walt’s. Walt followed suit as he was led to the new bed and then abruptly shoved onto it and straddled by a very eager Jesse. Jesse began roughly kissing Walt by darting his tongue in and out of his mouth and sucking on Walt’s bottom lip. Jesse then began grinding his erection onto Walt’s thigh at a slow and even pace. Jesse was breathing hard and as he came up from kissing Walt, he breathlessly spoke into his ear asking, “Is this okay Mr. White? Am I going to hard? Just tell me if you’re side starts hurting, okay?”

“Jesse…this is great. I’m loving this. I love you.” Replied Walt as he reached up and cupped Jesse’s face as they stared in to each other’s eyes and held the gaze as Jesse continued to grind in to Walt.

Walt was breathing hard as well as Jesse and his eyes were completely glazed over in lust as he watched Jesse slowly come up from lying on top of him to take off his shirt. Then Jesse unbuttoned his pants and got off of Walt just for a minute to pull his jeans and boxers off revealing a young, beautiful body that was slim and toned with a few scars here and there on his arms and chest. Even Jesse’s tattoos looked gorgeous against his beautiful white skin. His arousal was large and completely visible and Walt could hardly contain his excitement as he stared at the beauty in front of him. Walt thought that Jesse looked like he belonged on some portrait in a museum and he couldn’t believe that he was his and that Jesse wanted him.

“Come on Mr. White…” Jesse said with a smirk, “take it off…I wanna see you…now.”

Walt did as he was told and he started unbuttoning his shirt as he stared up at Jesse. “Too slow…speed it up a little or I am going to rip that fucking shirt right off of you old man.”

Walt started to go a little faster, but apparently it wasn’t fast enough for Jesse. After two more buttons, Jesse straddled him again and ripped the shirt off the rest of the way. Then Jesse reached down to Walt’s Khaki’s and undid those while he stood up to slide them off along with Walt’s white undies.

Jesse smiled down at Walt’s body, just taking him in the same way Walt took Jesse in. Jesse thought Walt was beautiful as well. He was muscular and thin with quite a bit of hair all over his body which Jesse loved and his arousal was very large. Jesse eyed Walt hungrily and felt the need to touch every single part of him. He was on Walt in an instant, grinding into his naked body and kissing him passionately.

“Mr. White, you’re so fucking beautiful…I had no idea you would look so amazing…I love you so fucking much.” Jesse chanted ‘I love you’s to Walt’ as he continued his grind on to his thigh. Jesse wanted to love and touch every inch of Walt and he began to rub Walt all over with his free hand. He wanted to feel the strength of Walt’s chest, so he rubbed his hand all over his chest while grabbing some of the hair on it in between his fingers and pulling up. “God…I want you so fucking bad.”

Walt’s breath hitched when Jesse grabbed his chest hair and pulled up…it felt so good. Walt wrapped his arms around his Jesse and began hushing Jesse’s chanting of “I love you’s” by placing his lips on his and sliding his tongue in to the wet abyss of Jesse’s beautiful mouth. There was a feeling of complete oneness and somehow the entire world seemed to make so much more sense as he was holding Jesse tightly and feeling the inside of his lover’s mouth.

Walt took a break from Jesse’s mouth for just a second to turn and whisper in his ear, “My Jesse, my sweet boy…I love you so much.”

Walt could feel himself leaking a bit, but he really wanted to last this time because this was heaven. Having Jesse like this and Jesse loving him and loving his body this much could only be a dream. There was no way that this was reality. There was no world in which this beautiful boy would want him the same way that he wanted him. These kinds of things just don’t happen and especially to Walt.

But it was real, and Jesse did love him and he wasn’t dead and Jesse was making love to him. Walt felt like his heart might explode from the amount of emotion he was feeling as they continued to kiss and hold each other as Jesse continued his grind on Walt’s naked body.

Breathing heavily Jesse came up and spoke lightly in Walt’s ear. “So, who wants to be the bitch first?”

Walt didn’t even hesitate. In an instant he grabbed Jesse by the hips and flung him around so that he was lying face down with his ass in the air. Jesse laughed and said, “Totally not surprised!”

“Hold on Jesse. I’ve got to find some lube, or something we can use to act as lube.”

“No worries Mr. White. Ed gave us two massive jars of lube. I think they’re in the kitchen.”

Walt got up fast and ran to the kitchen. He felt like if he wasn’t quick enough that Jesse might change his mind or come to his senses about him. Walt found the jars, “Thank you Ed!” Walt said out loud and brought one back to the bedroom. He quickly unsealed it and proceeded to ready himself and a couple of his fingers.

“Okay Jesse. Are you sure about this?”

“Yes…my god….come on! I love you and I need to feel you in me now Mr. White.”

Walt still could hardly believe it and the way Jesse sounded as he was begging was making Walt shudder with excitement. 

Slowly at first, Walt slid one slick finger in Jesse and started moving a little. Walt could see Jesse’s ass rise a little more and hear him as he was making very slight moaning noises that were driving Walt crazy. Slowly, he stuck the second one in and Jesse could feel a bit of pain, but he talked himself in to relaxing as he let Walt move his fingers in and out of Jesse. Slowly, Jesse became accustomed to the feeling and Walt started to go a little faster and a little deeper while adding in a scissoring motion as well. Jesse was moaning louder now and it was starting to feel really good. Jesse was ready and he wanted Mr. White in him so bad that his dick was throbbing. “Mr. White…please…I’m ready. I need to feel you in me.” Jesse spoke softly in a labored voice that was cracking with pleasure and want.

Walt slid his fingers out of Jesse and then grabbed his hips again, flipped him back over to his back and lined himself up with Jesse’s entrance. Walt gazed into Jesse’s eyes for just a moment, “I really want to see your face during our first time together.”

“I want to see you to Mr. White,” said Jesse as he stared up this amazing man that he admired and loved so much.

Walt entered Jesse with a slow push and held himself there as Jesse stretched around him. It was painful for Jesse at first, but it would have been more painful if he had to wait any longer for this. Jesse knew that the pain would eventually become bearable…and it did.

Walt began his thrusts kind of slow at first, almost as if he were scared to break Jesse. He was so afraid that he was going to hurt him. And almost as if Jesse could read Walt’s mind at that moment, he started talking “I’m not gonna break…it’s okay Mr. White…I know you won’t hurt me. Please…I love feeling you in me.”

Walt started thrusting harder and more assured as he watched Jesse’s head tilt back more into the pillow and moan as he attempted to keep eye contact with him. Walt leaned over him more and began kissing Jesse sweetly on his collarbone, then neck and up to his lips as he continued his thrusts in to Jesse. Walt could feel Jesse’s throbbing erection between them and Walt reached down with a free hand to grab it and stroke him.

At Walt’s touch, Jesse moaned even more. Walt came up and started thrusting even faster and deeper now as he continued to stroke Jesse’s erection as well. It was really too much for Jesse. Everything he was feeling…Jesse had never remembered a time when sex was this good. Jane was close, but still, not this good. Jesse’s thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a sensation that was so fucking amazing that he felt like he might pass out. 

The minute Walt hit it, Jesse started grunting and moaning so loud that he thought he might have hurt him for a minute, but that wasn’t the case at all. Walt realized it was pleasure and that he must have hit his prostate. Walt aimed for it again, and sure enough it evoked the same reaction each time. Jesse was writhing underneath Walt now. Walt loved this feeling of having Jesse completely at his mercy and making him squirm with absolute pleasure…Walt was completely intoxicated with the feeling of making his Jesse scream out for him in uncontrolled, erotic ecstasy and completely unhinged. 

Jesse looked at Mr. White and breathlessly said…”I have to cum Mr. White…now.”

“Yeah....I know.” Walt said back just as breathlessly.

Walt continued to stroke Jesse with one hand as he pumped in to him at the same time hitting his prostate and said “Come on Jesse…do it…cum for me.” That was it for Jesse, hearing the deep raspy sound in Walt’s voice telling him to cum was all he needed to release. Jesse closed his eyes hard and grabbed on to the sides of the bed as hard as he could while he released like a shot that kept on coming out in streaks of white across his chest. And at the same time he came, he also felt a warm and wet sensation filling him up in his backside. It felt so good and so powerful on both ends that Jesse thought he might die.

Walt’s release was equally as amazing as he watched Jesse having his orgasm and as he felt himself shoot into Jesse…he honestly couldn’t think of any better feeling that he had ever experienced. Jesse’s orgasm was long and powerful as he continued to stroke him through his aftershocks and his was just as powerful as he continued to bring himself through his own aftershocks in Jesse.

Walt slipped out of Jesse and collapsed right on top of him.

 

It hadn’t been long at all that the two had fallen asleep but Walt woke first, and then it all hit him. Everything hit him at once…like a burst of sudden light in the darkest of places. Love…the feeling was complete and utter love. Walt laughed a little at himself as he slowly moved off of Jesse and slid to the side of him. Walt just lay there and stared at his partner in disbelief and genuine shock as he could hardly believe that this had happened. He always knew that he loved him, but this was love intensified, this was love of the purest kind.

It was dusk out and there was a tinge of a bluish gold color to everything in the room. Walt’s eyes began wandering around to his surroundings. First, he glanced out the small window in the bedroom to a spectacular view of the sun going down over the trees and bleeding hues of gold into the room. The light itself reminded Walt of Jesse. It wasn’t the strangest thought, in a way, Jesse had always been Walt’s light. Jesse was the last shred of humanity that Walt had in him during his dark days as Heisenberg. There was ever only one person who could bring out Walt’s loving and protective side during the worst of his evilness. Even in the very end…when all was lost and Walt was sure to die at the compound…he couldn’t let his light die and so he had saved him one last time. Jesse was Walt’s last bit of humanity and had it not been for Jesse, Heisenberg would have been very content to kill off the whole damn world.

Walt’s eyes made their way back to Jesse and he jumped a bit when he saw pure blue radiating through Jesse’s eyes. It was the bluest he had ever seen his eyes become. Jesse’s eyes were bluer then water, bluer then the sky on the clearest of days in the desert or the cold and bluer then the purest meth they had made together. This blue was brilliant…something only the God’s could conceive of…if you go for that type of thing.

Slowly, Jesse reached over and stretched a hand out to touch Walt’s cheek as he continued to gaze at him with his beautiful blue stare. Walt could hardly move, he could hardly breathe. In fact, if he had been a weaker man…he might have started to cry right in Jesse’s arms, but Walt was anything but weak. He gathered himself up and brightly smiled at Jesse with just the faintest hint of watery eyes.

Jesse smiled back a little and said, “Is everything all right, baby?”

Walt closed his eyes for a second and a single tear rolled down his cheek as Jesse’s finger reached to take it from him.

Walt was done for and he finally fell apart hopelessly sobbing to Jesse, “I am so sorry Jesse. I am sorry for taking your life, I am sorry for destroying people that you loved. How could I have ever hurt you? How could I have done that to you? I love you so much and I don’t deserve your love…not in this life, not in any life, not ever do I deserve someone like you. I’m just so very sorry.”

Jesse pulled Walt close as he sobbed into Jesse’s chest. He was shaking and heaving and Jesse could hardly understand what he was saying. It didn’t matter to Jesse, he knew that Mr. White had stayed so strong for him and this bit of weakness was welcoming to Jesse, and if it was even possible, it made Jesse love him even more.

Jesse rubbed Walt’s back trying to soothe him and calm him down, “Shh…Mr. White, it’s okay. I told you I forgave you. I love you, it’s okay, it’s okay, shh, it’s okay. We’re together now and you deserve me. You were good for most of your life. You did everything right. You helped students, our community at one time and provided for your family...You even tried to help me when I was your student. You are a good person in there. It was the cancer Mr. White…the cancer made you do that shit, but I know who you really are. And I know how much you used to love to cook meth, but it was just because you were finally getting to be a real scientist instead of a teacher. I know you love your family and me and would never want to hurt any of us. I know you and I swear Mr. White you’re going to get better now.”

Walt calmed down with Jesse’s words. Walt found some truth in them even though Jesse might have forgotten that he loved the power rush of running a drug empire. It was true, he never wanted to hurt anyone he loved and it was true that he was happy to be working in a lab as a scientist instead of a teacher. Jesse did know him, and as evil as Walt had become, Jesse always remained the light that reminded him of his humanity…even now. 

Walt looked up at Jesse with a tiny hint of a smile and said, “Thank you for everything sweetheart.”

The light was fading out of the room now as the sun was almost completely behind the trees, but still the tinge of blue remained, like a glowing ember radiating in the dark with Jesse’s blue eyes fueling the most beautiful blue afterglow Walt and Jesse had ever been enveloped in.

 

"Blue" Song from the anime Cowboy Beebop by Yoko Kanno which I felt was very fitting for Walt in his last moments on the show and in the last part of this fic:

Never seen a bluer sky  
Yeah I can feel it reaching out  
And moving closer  
There's something about blue  
Asked myself what it's all for  
You know the funny thing about it  
I couldn't answer  
No I couldn't answer 

Things have turned a deeper shade of blue  
And images that might be real  
May be illusion  
Keep flashing off and on  
Free  
Wanna be free  
Gonna be free  
And move among the stars  
You know they really aren't so far  
Feels so free  
Gotta know free  
Please  
Don't wake me from the dream  
It's really everything it seemed  
I'm so free  
No black and white in the blue 

Everything is clearer now  
Life is just a dream you know  
That's never ending  
I'm ascending 

If you would like to hear the song...here is the link  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RuylPp-uUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the end of this story. I have already got some ideas for a part II regarding Brock...we'll see. Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Wow...I finished something...I can hardly believe it! Thanks Breaking Bad for being amazing!


End file.
